Hi everyone, took nan to hospital today, for chat with surgeon, didnt end up as chat,

He did ultra sound and was very concerned as both her kidneys were nearly blocked, he needed to do blood tests, and then wanted her to go for a ct scan as well.

everyone in the place was going mad as she was getting pushed to the front of all the cues in the end I lost it with one woman ans said well maybe my nan has a little somethign you dont have,

She has to go back wed for results of tests done, if kidneys are too bad then they have to drain them before they can do a biopsy next week, with camera in as well to see extent of growth, they know something is there, just not what.

I was so scared today for her, and so scared watching my mum with her, my mum worrying over me to and I feel so stupid, so pathetic for being stuck within my own silly world.

Like I dont matter like ed is just so F****** stupid ed.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I HATE YOU

AND I DO NOT  HATE ME ANYMORE I AM WORTH MORE THAN THIS.

And I love everyone here so much

To everyone who reads the posts and doesnt post,

To everyone who comes in chat and cant chat

Some of us are doing ok in this fight, others struggling and some plodding on.

Know this site is about all of us no matter how much or how little we share, some share a lot, like  me (I cant shut up sometimes).

Others just read and share a little when they can which is good to.

If you just come and read and get strength from that too it , remember everone of us is different.

We are all unique.

Know that it is all good.

I am here for you all, in good times and in bad times, (specially the bad ones) and know no matter what you share that you are all loved by me, everyone of you.

My heart is big enough to fit you all in, everyone of you.

and you are all in my thoughts,

everyone of you, all special to me in one way or another.

Please take care of you, the inner you and I am here for you all.

Love and big hugs

Dawn

Xxxxxx

sorry am just a big softy and thought this had to be said….

Hi guys

Just wanted to say how much better I am feeling, although have had a trying week I do feel much better on the inside,

and it all thanks to you here and some time off getting some rest.

I may have a busy weekend ahead too but it will be ok and will post you and let you know what happens on monday with my nan and how I get on with her and mum all day.

Catch you soon

Love and hugs

Dawn

11/08/2004  18:52

Sorry everyone, managed to sort out some of problem but still cant find my files, will have to get some one to look but dont think there is a virus, hope I didnt worry anyone.

Wont be on now till later my head is so done in,

Thanks everyone,

Gnight, Gbless,

Hope you are all feeling ok and (((((((Hugs))))) all

Love ya all,

Dawn

((((((((Everyone))))))))

Am so glad this didnt happen last night,

my copmuter aint well and I cant figure out why,

I was down loading an update from symantrec liveupdate when encountered a problem, they gave me list of stuff to do but then as I was doing it computer crashed not only can I not get on site like I want to through Aol cant get anyone else, most of all have lost all my writing, thank god for back ups, am going to have to try and get it sorted, think it may be a virus or something.

Just wanted to warn everyone, as they can pass from computer to computer and I would hate to have given it anyone else if I do have one.

Wont be on tonight, but will try and get sorted someway or other for tomorrow,

Hope you are all ok and you all in my thoughts

Love ya

Big hugs and kisses

Dawn