28/05/08

Shared Memories

 

At the stroke of midnight we must meet,

To sneak past our guards, hoping boards don’t creak.

 

You the most elegant of queens,

And I the simplest of your dreams.

 

Into the dark night we must run,

Together always having fun.

 

At the edge of the forest I catch a glimpse of your hair.

I cannot help but stop and stare.

 

You’re the most beautiful of all,

And yet I can’t recall, that day we first met,

Many, many years ago.

 

Every year we keep this ritual,

Never frightened by all the rules.

Never scared to see what every one else huddles away inside from.

 

We stand in the dark, holding hands.

“It’s been a while” you whisper.

“Yes it has” I simply reply.

 

We wait…

 

The blackened spot high in the sky begins to glow.

A silvery halo beginning to show.

 

It takes a while, for our planet to pass.

Showing a glimpse of our darkened past.

 

A history no one likes to talk about.

Unless of course they scream and shout.

 

Our moon was hidden long ago,

By a powerful source that no one knows.

 

It comes out to play, once every year.

But doesn’t stay for very long, and I shed a tear.

 

My love for you both has passed,

Yet it will keep on going, and will last and last.

Least until the next time the moon comes out from hiding,

And standing there holding hands, I will forever be smiling.

 

 

© 2008 Dawn

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By kanundra Posted in poem

24/05/08

To be seriously honest, all i want to do is scrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaa- aaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

there that felt better…

I am just feeling so low at the moment, and life here sucks big time to.

My grandad was admitted with a brain bleed last wed to hospital, and there isnt much hope.
You know i said I would lose them all within 12mths, and you know i am going to be right… :)

All I want to do is to restrict again, get something inside me that makes me feel better. The hunger and its pain is so relieving… all i want is to forget that things around me are so crap…

I have restricted a little tonight… but know I get watched too much at home, and as they are all here, there is no chance of me going without. I managed to get out of having chips though and cooked some rice instead.

I feel so stupid, and so lonley, yet the house is full of people.

Will anything relieve this pain in me…

NO
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

It sucks

Dawn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

19/05/08

I have come to this large conclusion that I am never meant to get over my eating disorder…

I am in fact having to live with it.

This last week or so, becuase i have put weigh on, about a stone since january. I have become more and more depressed with myself.

I am feeling like a failure, and the only thing telling me all this is myself.

In reality, I have achieved so much along the lines of defeating my ed. I am eating healthily and enjoying the odd treat now and then.

But the voice doesnt shut up. Why is this.

Some things here have not gone so well. My mum moved out of her council place and in here, and last week, she got a bill from them for over £1000 just to clean up some of the stuff she didnt do…

I mean come on they sent an inspector round to look at the place and give her a list of jobs that needed doing, and then it was as though just because someone else got to go out and check it, they came up with a load of other jobs… how rude and so expensive… that was only an estimate to, they said the final bill could be higher…..

My mum was heart broken…. Especially after putting so much effort into sorting everything out. To be honest she is really flapping now about getting the extension built and finished. Wondering if she has enough money and all. Come on, we have 30k between us and the estimate is well under that. I just wish she would stop flapping..

I know she is worried about Paul spending money on the pond, and i think she has right to be to. As to be honest that has gotten a little out of hand, and has cost more than I wanted it to, but its a case of we have started so we have to finish it.

Plus spending on the bathroom has also cost well over £1300 which i wasnt planning on either. I am not so sure i can put a new kitchen in, at least untill next year.
This is so crazy….

Money doesnt ast long at all does it when you have to keep on paying out for things.

I tell you this though, i may be feeling a little frumpish, and not my best, but these problems haven’t gotten me as down as they have my mum, i know she got really upset about the bathroom floor, and having to pay Yan to refit the bathroom as the guy we got in was a botch job…

We all learn by our mistakes though, and i can say that for sure, its hard work…

Yan did say though that this week things would seem to pick up, and run smoothly for a while. I do hope they can…

Hope all is well for everyone else.

Dawn xxxx

14/05/08

UMMMMMM

think things are definatly getting a bit crazier round here.

I was supposed to have my cpa on monday, but couldnt go, was up sick all night sunday and then monday morning. Even yesterday something wasnt right.
The pond is coming along pretty well, even though my hubby has got a bit frustrated with it, and the main building works started today, wow, i can tell you… lol, young men with hardly any clothes on… I am a naughty girl…

oh well, cant help but look… am only human after all.

Been working on my latest book a lot, things have really improved there, and I am glad of that, thanks for all the support from the clan…
meant a lot.

I am entering it into a compitition for a novella so am going to fine tune it a lot before dec which is the due date.

My mum and her cat have completly settled in now, and even though things have been a bit weird, its going ok.
Spent much more than we had hoped for, on the bathroom though, and then had to rip up the floor as it was all rotten. The plumber neglected to tell us this, so now we are virtually back to square one, and have no chance of getting our cash back.
Some people just love to rip you off.

i am sure I am getting much fatter even though i probably am not, but I have a good appetite at the moment, and am working hard in the garden so i cant really moan too much. I am sure it is just ed playing games on me, I do keep thinking about going backwards slightly just to see if i can drop a few kilos quickly, but what good would it do really?

Nothing…
grr,

anyways, think things are going ok, am a little stressed out, as privacy has been invded on all levels, but I am sure i will live, got a few months to go yet…

Love to you all. Dawn xx

09/05/08

Just thought I would try and update everything that is going on…

Umm where can I start…

Ok so mum moved in over the weekend which was quite a big thing for me. Now like i knew she would, she has taken over. How I am not so sure, but she has. Yep just like that.

She hasnt really got that much stuff althought it seemed to take forever to get out of the flat. But it is all in and everything seems ok for now.

My therapy is going well and I wish it was coming to an end but not just yet, they are a little worried at the hospital that as everything is going on here, i might have a bit of a relapse. Umm i dont know….

Anyways, the pond is getting there, the concrete base is in, and thejohn the bricky is coming later today to get the block work on it, then Mike will come to help get the carpet in and sand then the liner…

I think Paul is very happy, but i am a little sad. Its costing us a lot more than i had first imagined, and with any project things seem to keep on creeping in…

I am just hoping that the rest of my money doesnt take forever to come through as we could do with it now…

Speak to you all soon, and hope you are all well.
Dawn xxx