30/07/04

 

hi everyone,

(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Just to let you know I am going to a friends on sat night so wont be here,

i am looking forward to it, but then again I am not as I know what the first thing she is going to say to me will be about my looks, and then she’ll ask me whats going on,

I havent been doing so well in eating this week, as in I have but not enough yet, but I am getting there, bit by bit, slowly building back up to normal, though it is getting really tough, not to listen to those voices.

I wrote the good bye ed letter the other night as I feel I am ready to say goodbye I dont want you anymore, and I will succeed this time I know I will,

I am so glad I found you all here, you are all wonderful people who have helped me so much,

especially well just everyone… The list is endless honestly and I cant really name everyone, but know you will all have a place in my heart forever, non of you will ever be forgotten and I will always be here for you to help in anyway I can.

THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH

I know we are going out for a meal tomorrow night and I am looking forward to it but I am also a little nervous as they both love their food, and I dont want that much.

I hope you are all ok, and will catch you sometime tomorrow and sunday.

Love you all

(((((((((hugs))))))))))

Dawn

xxxxxxx

Advertisements

28/07/04

 

I wanted to say this for so long, I needed to say this,

I want you out of my life, I want you gone.

You dont help me,

You dont love me,

All you do is hate me.

 

I need love,

I need help,

I will accept me.

 

The inside me who is nearly free, is scared to lose you in some ways

You were there for me through good times and bad,

You helped me whenI though no one else could,

but now I know there are others who can help

and I want to say good bye forever,

never do I want to see you again,

 

So this is it, should I cry,

No,

I am happy,

For once I am happy, I am glad,

and I will be free.

 

No doubt you will still haunt me,

no doubt you will still be there, at the back of my mind,

Niggling,

Taunting,

But I will ignore you,

and eventually you will get the message,

YOU will become the weak one,

and I the strong ONE.

So good bye,

Good riddence,

 

I will never ever miss you again.

27/07/04

 

Hi everyone

Just to say Big hugs for all and thank you so much for all you support

I have been advised to stay on the anti depressants, and he has referred me to see a specialist,

I did post another message but it didnt go,

thankyou all for being here I am so happy I found you, please take care, we can all beat this monster with the help and support off each other.

Love and hugs

Dawn

25/07/04

Wow everyone

What a tough night, some of you know I went to my dads, and usually he wants to go out but we didnt his fiance cooked for us instead, which was ok I could handle it (quite enjoyed it actually), but they wanted us to stay the night and I didnt, I still felt a bit off and wanted to be in my own bed to sleep, as it is more comfortable when you got stomach ach.

Anyway, I sorted out some stuf fon his computer and we came home, Paul didnt drink so he drove (ahh) which was good for me as my tummy was sore, well this morning when we got up we got a phone call from my dad, saying he was glad we didn’t stay anyway as someone broke into their car on the car park and cause it was diesel they couldn’t hot wire it properly and it ended up on fire, damaging their car and the two next to them, well it would have been  out car next to theirs if we had stayed, they ended up with no sleep and were really upset. I am so glad that we didn’t stay.

I just wanted to say that something’s really do happen for a reason, and me stumbling on this board is one of the better things in my life, everyone here has helped me so much these last few months and I hope I have helped some others too.

I just wanted to give you all a huge kiss and a big hug. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you so much.

Love and hugs

yours always

Dawn

23/07/04

 

Oh my god I am so annoyed about what happened today I dont know where to start.

went to work although I didnt feel 100% and was ok this morning managed some toast but ended up with stomach ach, and then felt really bad, one of the lads was going up to the village for some dinner and cause I was hungry for not eating much asked him could he get me something.

I managed to eat my dinner but was feeling a bit full, then one of the other women had a go at me for being off the last day and a bit she kept going on about me not eating properly and saying that I was starving myself, losing to much weight. blah blah.

I really didnt need it.

I was so upset thankfully the manager asked me to go in the office or I was just gonna blow up in her face.

But the thing is I sat in the office really wanting to make myself sick really wanting to punish myself for her nasty words.

I couldnt leave the office as it was to busy so wasnt sick but those voices in my head were battering me, because of her, stupid cow.

Paul quit his job at dinner as well today so I am a little concerned over that, but hey, this is all life isnt it. I wont let these thoughts get me down I have come too far to go back now, I will say as bex told me **** off ed.

Sorry for posting this,

I love you all and thanks so much for the support over these few months you are all amazing people, xxxx

Love and big hugs

Dawn

Xxxxxxxxx