Life – poem

Life is not the best right now and I could do with a rest.

I believe it’s just a test right now, yet I still feel so blessed.

What hurts me, and makes me cry, also makes me fight.

No, no, not flight… I might have once turned and run.

Wether it be just a test or the best, I am not done.

Where would be the fun.

—–

hugs

~ Dawn

x x

 

So busy, so busy…

That time when the voice from within is trying to break through.

That time when I say, no, and really mean I will always say, no.

—— poem 2016, – Dawn.

What happens –

 

What happens to you, when you’re so busy you don’t allow yourself to feel?

What happens to you, when your life takes  a turn for the worse?

 

Do you stop, and allow yourself the time to heal?

Do you allow yourself the time to turn it around?

 

Not always do we have the strength to go on.

Not always do we have the heart to believe we’re worth more.

 

Yet, somewhere there is hope.

Somewhere there is a belief.

 

Belief that we are what matters.

Belief that we are so much more than just thinking or feeling.

 

We are strong, we are better.

We are more than ED.

 

Life changing experience – New Me!

Hey everyone.

(This post will contain weights and numbers and could be triggering for some, please do not read if suffering)

I wanted to write this post because its been a long road, but a good one. It is going to cover some of what I’ve been through over the last few months in changing my weight and turning my depression on it’s head. It started 13 weeks ago and is entering it’s second phase and I really wanted to share how positive an experience it’s been.

I want to include a couple of pictures here, to show the differences in 18mths in myself and how my body has changes in the last 13 weeks too.

2015-08-15 09.24.26

This was where I started off in 2014. with my journey at The Wellness Centre in Burscough. But after all the good I did, I hurt my back and started off with 2015 as one of the worst years in our lives, I hadn’t realised how much I was comfort eating at work. (I drive a food delivery truck and the weight piled on, till I hit rock bottom and breaking point at 17 stone 2lbs.

2015-08-15 09.24.58

The bottom line is where I am at now.

I wasn’t one for pictures. But these were some taken last year, and early this year.

Old me      old me 2

This was part way through my journey with Lipotrim.

Middle me    middle me 2

And this is me now 🙂

2015-08-12 15.52.23     And me now. 🙂

Dawn Chapman

What I really wanted to discuss, was the change in my attitude though. After suffering with eating disorders for most of my life, I went into this knowing all the risks, all the ways it could go wrong, and all the ways it could go right. I decided that this was for me and that this was a decision I could make as an adult.

So I did it, I went for it, I struggled, I battled through the weekly regime and I have reached my set goal weight.

When I was attending Cheadle Royal Eating Disorders Unit, My weight went from 88kg and dropped to 71kg, this was after losing both my grandparents, and virtually not eating anything but yoghurt for 5 mths. I was in a bad place, but the Unit and the staff there helped me see why I did things and why I used food as a crutch, when food was no longer an issue in 2007 I turned to alcohol and Self Harm, it was a very bad year for me, but Cheadle Royal got me through it and in 2010 I was discharged from them at 83kg.

I have gone from 109kg to just under 83kg, and this is a good weight for me. I am happy, but this journey doesn’t stop here, because I need to carry on and be healthy. After going Total Food Replacement, I am now re-introducing foods again. I admit I was a little apprehensive of doing this. But, I was also armed with the re-feeding I did at Cheadle Royal.

This last week, I’ve been introducing healthy foods. Yey! and because this week has been such a milestone in my life. Reaching my target weight, and receiving the proof copy of my first novel, we went out to celebrate last night and I also had my first Vodka and Coke in 13 weeks.

With the help of The Wellness Centre now I have different goals. I do still want to reduce my body fat down some because I want to build my muscle back up again. My metabolic rate is the lowest I’ve seen it in a long time, and this also needs to pick up.

So, healthy eating and good foods. (It really tastes amazing now) and exercise.

For a treat, I booked a photo shoot for the 12th September. I’ve never done this before. Never wanted to document my life in such a way. Camera’s scare me! but I would like some professional pictures for my books and websites, and to do it because I know I can.

Eating Disorders and Mental Illness suck, but with things we learn over the years, we can pool ourselves together and turn a horrible year into the best year.

Keep positive when you have doubts, keep active when you want to hide. But more than anything, never give up.

Hugs.

Dawn

It has only taken a year… lol

Oh dear,

I know I am not the most technically minded person. When it comes to websites and blogs stuff. How to set them up really blows my mind.

So, after seeing so many of my friends with their blog roll and previous posts linked onto their page, I wondered how I could get mine there.

And da daaaa 🙂

Finally managed to get it there. Like I say only taken me a whole year.

So, yes, lots more for people to see. Hope that, it doesn’t overload you. The past is just that, the past.

There are a lot of posts, that I transferred from other parts of the internet. Glad that I did keep them, because those sites are no longer live any more. And I would have lost some of the worst and best times of my life.

The end of a year and the beginning of a new one, should be about reflection. I tend to not want to do that. Although it is good to go through and sometimes see and re-live what I’ve been through, I also know it does me no good.

There will be no ‘resolutions’ from me. I prefer to try and keep myself on the same path I have been on for a while. A recovered path, its far too easy for me to think about all the things I used to pledge, so I don’t.

🙂 Onwards…. a new year, a new frontier to conquer!!!

Will post again later and keep playing with my new found toy. Change… lol

Dawn x

Heading out :)

I don’t often get to go out. The lonely life of a writer hey… well not entirely.

It always was and still is pretty hard to be sociable. The Eating Disorder side of my life ruined the enjoyment of dressing up and letting loose.

I love people, I love being out, but that niggling voice in my head, sometimes creeps back in, especially at this very tough time of year.

But tonight I’m letting me out, we’re going to my husbands Christmas party it will also kind of be a celebration night for my 35th birthday. Yippie… we’ve got some friends staying over and it should be a really nice evening.

Total count for today is 73,474. 🙂 which I am pleased about.

I enjoyed my sleep this afternoon, although I still feel tired. In one sense I am really wanting to get to the end of my story, because I need to catch up on missed sleep. Really, really badly. But then on the other hand I don’t want it to end. It really will make me sad.

Still for tonight, I am out, going to have a couple of drinks with some friends and maybe even a little dance.

Have a great evening all. And I look forward to (no hangover) so I can carry on writing.

Speak soon.

Dawn