30/11/06

 

Yeah this weeks been a bit better, be even better when its Friday tomorrow.

My husband has decided on his holiday next year, he’s taking two weeks in April off, one to spend with me the other to go fishing, so I said thanks for wanting to talk about it, so any one fancies taking me away.. God I am really pissed off.

I aint going to get to Poland in feb seeing as he has planned this, and then Kate will probably be annoyed with me and not speak to me again…

Why do men do these things… do they just not think….?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh….. I wish for so many things, I wish that I was just a normal person with normal problems and not make everything out to be sooo bad, and that it’s all just me, am I sooo damn ugly that everything has to go wrong…

I hate the way Ed makes me feel about everything and everyone I love and care for. It ruins everything and I hate it I hate me and I hate the fact that it’s destroying all I know…

I am this person who loves to do things creative but it all holds me back… why?

Yes I am sorry I am a real person with an inner battle going on, I am a woman, who doesn’t think she is sexy or nice, and everything I do is horrible…

Why should I bother,

because I have to, I have to keep going, I DO….

Speak soon, Im done in….

Dawn
xx

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25/11/06

 

Yeah this week has been a real rough one, and not one that I would care to mention too much.

My friend in work has left again leaving me on my own. Now once again I am the only one in our section of the factory and I am expected to cope well with this… Yeah right…

On Tuesday me and one of the lads were sent to our most recent and biggest customer, mostly because of the shit boxes that our bosses thought they would send to them, and because they were so bad, we had to go there to help smooth things out and make it better. YES we had to sort out the bad ones, from 20000 boxes.

I can tell you we managed to get through 6000 and got about 1800 good boxes out of them. After spending most of the day being bored stupid we were then moaned at by two of their employers. We then had our lunch in a canteen and I hated it. I hate being with anyone when I am easting anyways, but being out of place and with people I didn’t know I was really freaked out.
I did eat my dinner though and I had some coffee from a strange machine, so I think I did really well actually.

We were supposed to be picked up again about 3 so we could be home for 5 but didn’t get picked up till nearly 5 and so only got home at 6 I wasn’t impressed at all. And I had to ride in the cab of the wagon, which is illegal, so never again…

The rest of the week has been awful, pretty much the same, as there is no one left to do the work other than the men then they have has to come into my side of the factory and attempt my job, no such luck. A job for 5000 took us nearly 2 days, and would normally only takes about 5 hours, with a team of three.

I despair at the moment, I really do and I don’t want to go in on Monday I feel really sick inside, and I am just heartbroken. It cannot go on like this surely…

Sorry for being so sad, how was everyone else’s week?

Love Dawn

18/11/06

 

Well although this weekend started off with me being left alone again… Hubby goes out to play snooker on Fridays now (Which I prefer) I have had a nice time got a little bit drunk last night, and had a really good sleep…

Sleep means a lot to me at the moment, well most times as I am always tired and can’t do anything without being well rested lol…

Work has been awful as per the norm, and next week well it’s only going to get worse, as there is nothing for us to do at all… and its sooooooo boring…

Kate my friend wanted me to go into town tonight and go to a disco, but disco’s aint my thing, and besides I don’t really want to go with all her polish friends, as when her boyfriend turns up that would mean I would be left alone, and I wouldn’t like that. I wouldn’t mind going if Sian were with me as then at least I have someone who can understand me without struggling… and pissed… lol

Anyways, I am sure tonight will be as nice as last night, just going to settle in and watch some good films, with hubby this time…

Food wise this week has been a nightmare, and I haven’t eaten enough, I know that… I feel so stupid but then again I also know it will end…

When I am in low moods I tend to not want to talk to anyone or not see people. I don’t wish anyone to take offence by this but I know I hide and I don’t mean to…

Hope you are all well… and taking care of yourselves…

Dawn
xx

14/11/06

 

Well today at least I have something to smile about. My friend Sianis coming round in a bit, to chat, yey…

She just got back from visiting her friend in Poland.

I aint been doing great this week. Food has been non existent. I hate it when I am feeling so bad about it, but then I love it as I know I it makes me feel so amazing too.

Being hungry feels great.

Sounds so stupid I know…

Its contradictory, as my head is so full of such random and shit.

I just hate everything at the moment including me…

I am so angry inside myself, and so hurt, the pain is immense and I don’t know why… I think I am destined to stay like this forever, and never be free from my own hatred…

I know I am feeling bad as I aint had time to do most of the things I love, and that’s write, and of course talk to my friends on here.

Sorry

Dawn

By kanundra Posted in netlog

11/11/06

 

I am soooooooooooo sad I been crying today…

What a week I have had… Thursday I went to help my friend pack some of her things as she is moving soon, and I had a good day, but Friday oh no….

It started ok, went into work and saw my polish friend was limping; she fell and twisted her ankle… Then I had to tell them that their jobs were no longer available, so that only leaves me and another friend of mine, Karen, who at the moment only works part time…

We went to the pub at lunch for a good bye drink, and then I had to go to the doctors where I got really annoyed, as my weights going down and the nurse I go to wasn’t happy…

I got a txt off Kate asking me to take her to the hospital, and I did. Her foot is broken… that means it had to be plastered and now she can’t work for 6 weeks. So is going home to Poland, as the woman she works for charges them £40 to stay in the vans, 6 people to 1 caravan which is smaller than mine…

I am so annoyed…

Got to go…
sorry

Dawn

By kanundra Posted in netlog