25/04/08

My cat woke me up fighting this morning.

How nice of her.

Hope you are all well.
I am off shopping for a new sink and toilet today, how interesting, and i have to be up at this time. WHY?
I gotta go into work with paul to get into preston, Boring.

School runs, they do my head in, kids are never quiet enough for me.

Have a good day all

Dawn xxx

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21/04/08

Wow, I cant believe really how time does go so quick.

Seems so long since i wrote here, and i dont know why… well actually i do, been kind of hiding, i think. Been writing a lot though which has been good..

For anone who hasnt read my latest story, go visit the clan, i promise its a good one, and taken from personal experience.

Things here are moving really quick to. The garage and shed is up, the hedge at the back of the garden is now down, and we removed the old clapped out wooden shed last week. It has been hard work, but its nice to see things coming together and getting sorted, got such a long way to go yet though, and its getting more stressful.

Mum moves in next week, and i am a little nervous, have got used to my own space here, and doing things all our way, and she has already said that she wants to be here to sort of take over.

She isnt going to be able to take over our lives though, as i have to stand up for myself and not let her run how i do things.

It is going to be difficult……

:)

Anyone any suggestions apart from leaving the country for a few months…..

Oh well, had a really hard job over the weekend of finding a bath that will fit our small bathroom. The original bath is actually part fitted into the wall, and plastered round it, so having searched high and low, i managed to find a compact bath, on sale in home base, as it was ex demo, (We always seem to get demo stuff) but i cant complain its saved us 300 quid, and when Paul picked it up it came with the shower screen to which is over £100 quid. So now all I am looking for is a toilet and sink to go with it.

I was originally going to get a set from b n q, but there was just no way it was going to fit in, so now i have spent a little more but at least it will look like it belongs there instead of making it look way too small.

Regarding myself, ummm I am doing okish, Paul hasnt been well so ed, has been trying to get back in by telling me that i am not well to and shouldnt eat as much, because it will make me feel worse. The thing is I dont feel so bad, just got a constant headach at the mo.

I was weighed on thurs and my weight has only moved by 1lb, which in 4 weeks is nothing, i also ate brecky before i got to the hospital, so thats where that came from i think.

I had a good chat with shirley again, and in the afternoon session we covered friendship and how some of us make bad decisions with friends.
Its a topis we are going to talk about again, as it seemed to hit home with a lot of people.

Anyways, am having yet again a busy week, but am also going to go visit a friend on wed, so am hoping for a little me time to.

This weekend is our 10th year wedding aniversary, and although we will be very busy over the weekend i still am hoping that paul will be thinking about it.

Speak to you all soon, and hope you are all well.

Dawn xx

12/04/08

Am going to put this here, as I don’t know what else to do for the moment, I want to be able to write, how I am feeling, and this is the best time.

Today I have experienced one of the worst things in my life, one of my friends, who I have only known 6mths, had a seizure today. She was absolutely fine one minute talking to K the dietition, about osteoporosis and then she just said “I don’t feel well” she went all flushed and C asked did she want the toilet, She got up wobbled a bit sat back down, By this C was in front of her talking to her, she seemed to look away towards the window, but her expression was blank, she had no idea what was going on, the next thing she was as stiff as a board and the nurse was lifting her to the floor. We all left the room but could hear everything that was going on in there. She wasn’t responding to anything, her name she was making awful sounds.

I was terrified and so were the other girls. I thought that was it, she was going to die, her anorexia had taken its toll on her and her body had given up.

It seemed like forever that they were in there and when the Dr came it was worse as they moved her to the room next to us where we could hear even more.

They shut the door on us, and we were left shell shocked.

I have never seen anything like it in my life, and I was so scared for her life.

Eventually she seemed to come round a bit, but couldn’t still remember anything, by this time Shirley our TA therapist had shown up and we were all sat back in the dining room talking to her.

I felt so sick, sick to my stomach. I know of course an ed can kill you, but to see something like this really brought it home. I was horrified.

Talking with the others helped a bit, but I am still as upset now as I was before. Of course now I am sat in the station waiting to go home.

I can say one thing though, being hungry on the train and having to wait an hour for the next one, made me come up stairs to kfc and I have sat down and eaten a chicken burger and fries.

I know I cant let this afternoon scare me into not eating again, so I should be proud of myself. I have managed something I wouldn’t have even dreamed about a few months ago.

For a start I am on my own, and writing on my laptop, and I never would have done that either.

I think I have had enough for now, save it for the train on the way home. Maybe I can do some more on my story.
D xx

I have recuperated a little since thursday but it was an awful experience. I hope she really will be ok, i have had a few texts from her already. Am praying for her.

Other than that just a huge hug for you, all,

Dawn xx

07/04/08

wow, i can tell you somethings really improve, this new laptop i have is wireless, and its ace, i have had it all over the house today, and am now tucked up in bed, as we have no heating. Our gas boiler is getting moved and is in bits along with half of the kitchen and living room.

I will upload some pics when i get my phone stuff on here, and then can transfer them, there is so much going on here, its crazy.

Well worth it though….

Yesterday, i was supposed to be having a lazy day with paul, but yeah it never happened, curly the guy who was taking the boiler out was here all day and then mum turned up and we ended up moving 4 tonne of rubble down the bottom of the garden where paul has now used it to make a rockery with.

It was serious hard work..

Today curly has been back and is nearly there with the boiler, the flagger has been and is nearly finished with our flags, the shed is on them but not finished yet, and the electric guy was supposed to come and didnt.

Even though i have been online most of the day, i have been so busy.

I moved everything from the sitting room which will be mums bedroom into the spare room, which will be our dining room.

And then did loads of writing…

OOOOhhhh aand dont forget the million cups of tea i had to brew..

Am seriously hating the kettle right now……

Oh well, it is actually good to be back with everything and to be able to do what i want is great.

You wont get rid of me now heheheheheheh am back for good…

Love to ya all.

Dawn xx

6/04/08

WOW

This blog is coming from my new laptop, thankfully i managed to get my hubby to get off his high horse and spend some money on me, I am just sure he was trying to get out of it for as long as possible, but am happy now.

Its a Dell with a red cover on it, and its really nice, most of all i am pleased as I can now get back on line, and write again, been missing it so much.

Missed everyone here, and missed just being able to do something, its been really boring at home, but now well the world is my oyster again.

I am doing really well at the moment, life is actually picking up for a change, things are moving forward and I am real pleased with it.

I have had the go ahead from the doctor to go back to work, as things have settled down, my meds are working great and i am sleeping ok now, i am not surprised with the amount of hard gardening we are doing.

I am down to one day at daycare, and as things have been getting harder there due to the fact they are insisting on a cullinary skills class, that i am really glad of not being there so much.

Even though the doctor said i am ok for work, my boss is saying that i cant go back till they get a letter off my doctor, i think they are just being stupid but if i dont go in to work on wednesday this week, then will they sack me for not turning up, plus i cant do without the money, so i dont know what to do there. Go in or not. I will be ringing my union rep up and speaking to them on monday, but then have to speak to steve again as well.

I dont really want to go back there, but needs must and then at least i can save up for some new things again.

Anyways, i will catch you all again soon.

Love to ya all, Dawn xxxx