Stress

Lots of people don’t like talking about stress, or mental health.

I’d say even more so this last year. But things can take a turn at anytime in your life.

I tried, I was doing okay, but this month of April, I had my vaccine shot (first one) and it kicked my ass. I then got a cold which wiped my smell and taste away again.

It’s pretty easy to see where I started to introduce food again, and though it’s been a little up and down in the week it’s been going up and up, till it hit critical with extra stress as above this month.

I have limits set. And set for a reason, so that I have to address it. Before the turn last year it was extra weight and stress. Now I’ve no extra weight to lose. I’m under what I was in 2019. But not quite as low as hospital weights.

I’ve done what I can this week, cut the coffee, drank more water, and it’s coming down, I had 3 days of rest from food. Its really hard for anyone to understand the feelings around this.

I’ve tried my doctors, eating disorder groups and talking but no one gets it.

Food is the devil. There no pleasure only pain. I can just about taste sweet stuff. Spicy, nope. Got the hottest Siracha sauce today going. Was like tasting mayonnaise and Paul couldn’t stand it… Haha

But it sucks.

I get to go to the docs Friday. 3mth checkup. Its been 9 mths since I had bloods done. I feel okay, but I’ve lost half my hair and have bald spots… 😭

I was getting new hair growth, but if I curb the food again 😭

I want to see a way out of this, but the emotions around it are some of the worst.

Went shopping today, the washing aisle was like walking into a human waste facility. Gag…. Ugh grin and bare it.

I had to buy some new clothes, have only wore slippers for 12 mths like most people. My other shoes had it. The rest all packed away.

Wonderful isn’t it… We also have moss growing in my bedroom…

The ombudsmen have at least emailed me back. The company coming out come the 11th May for more tests…

This month ahead is gonna be busy. But I have the most amazing people around me. For that I am very very grateful. They know who they are.

I don’t talk much, I don’t post much. I hide in my work and my worlds.

If you hide in other people’s worlds and enjoy it, review those authors. Tell them you love their work and why.

If you don’t love it, and want to hit that 1 or 2 star button, hold off, that person might just be at the end of their tether. A little kindness or just not posting goes a long long way.

Love ya all 💕

Xmas day

The build up was worse the smells the idea of food.

I cooked it was all in here, I didn’t cook everything we’d usually have. And nothing had any flavours or additional things in. It was all seperate, took longer and wasn’t the Xmas dinner we’d usually have.

But, I ate. I tried the meat, beef and chicken. Nope. So I stuck to my version of veggies.

Wine was awful but not as bad as rum.

The pic of Bobby is because we have no decorations at all. Looks a sad lonley house. Lol

First drink, and real test… Vibrant Vegan :)

So it was my birthday, and I wanted to try one drink. We picked run, and made some dark n stormy.

Sadly it was terrible. 😭 And tasted liek sweaty socks. So no alcohol for me.

After my birthday, and my rum tasting awful. I want very hopeful in trying this, but it didn’t smell bad.

At least not like the meat products I’ve been cooking for Paul.

It was spicy, and I could taste the kick. I felt it had taste though wasn’t quite sure what, tomatoes, and the cashew nuts were distinguishable. The quorn added texture.

I thi k at the moment, texture and some flavours is good. But I am not going to get it. Not like a normal person.

I tried a small but of banana this morning. That was a, no. Bobby got the rest.

Parosmia and me moving on

I think the hardest thing to get used to with parosmia is the unpleasant smell. The thing we love about daily life becomes the worst.

Cleaning, cooking, anything.

The worst, you can’t tell what’s what. So there’re some things that you will miss that are pretty dangerous. The smell of burning, gas. Anything that’s off food wise. It all becomes so very different when things kinda all just smell the same.

Yep, and smell the same they do. Everything has this smell, this taste, and it never leaves you.

There are almost no real words to describe what this actually does smell/taste like. Rotten meat? poop… they are about the closest people have been able to say, and for the most part I’d agree. The rotten meat is the worst, the fact everything is rotten is the worst.

So you wake up with it, you smell like it, nasty, horrible. When you’ve a pretty poor impression of yourself as it is, this makes your anxiety 100 times worse. Because I don’t smell nice, I smell horrid. I think everyone can smell the same as me, and that I smell like this.

Go to wash in the shower, and the shampoo, the soap. Makes me feel sick. It’s hard to try to tell the brain that you don’t actually smell like this, that the shampoo and soap are fine, that you don’t stink.

Toothpaste, omg, please. You want to scrub your teeth with rotten meat? Holding your nose kinda helps.

Cooking is a hard no. I haven’t cooked anything in 15 weeks.

Last night my husband asked me to make him a sausage butty. This is the first time I’ve been near the kitchen to do anything, as I said in 15 weeks.

It wasn’t pleasant. But I did it.

One of the things I’ve looking forward to doing in the next few weeks is to try out some new companies I’ve seen advertising. With covid and not as many of us eating out. There’s been a few crop up that supply ready-made and healthy meals.

I’ve got three very different sets of food orders coming in.

One meat, one veggie, and one vegan.

It wasn’t a good start. My delivery this week never came. Though it saddened me, the company were wonderful over the phone, and rescheduled it for this week. Accidents happen and rather than deliver something that was out of safe temperatures, it was destroyed.

Hopefully, there will be no issues this week and I can at least start to write up something more than my plans.

I know I have to take it easy. My whole month of December will be basic re-feeding. Lipotrim have an acceptable plan, and I followed it for 4 weeks’ last time. So it’s gradual. I still have to watch myself and be careful not to rush.

So nice and steady.

For some things I’m taking a more keto approach, with bread and carbs, and I got myself a nice bread maker to test, to make my own things. My first two attempts were interesting. Lol

No pictures 🙂 not yet. Maybe when I get the hang of it, and I’m actually able to eat. For now, it’s okay toasted for my husband with Jam on.

Have a great day all.



Gamelit/Litrpg Going Wide Authors

Gong Wide  2.jpg

From left to right! Roll Call is!

RJ Castiglione’s – Fjorgyn: A Rebel Rises: https://www.books2read.com/ap/xdyJQR/RJ-Castiglione

Dawn Chapman’s – Desert Runner: https://www.books2read.com/ap/8GGNM8/Dawn-Chapman

Michael Chatfield’s – Emerilia: http://books2read.com/u/bMQXQB

G.R. Cooper’s – Shepherd Moon: Omegaverse 1: https://amzn.to/2MpnpHT

K.T. Hanna’s – Initializing: https://www.books2read.com/Initializing

Lars M.’s – The Wayward Bard: https://www.books2read.com/u/bzPWQ2

R.A. Mejia’s – Adventures on Terra – Book 1: Beginnings: https://www.books2read.com/ap/8P1PLx/RA-Mejia

W.D. Nix’s – Avatar Online Launch: https://books2read.com/u/m0gkpP

Why are we doing this, and doing it together? 

There’s been a lot of talk about this over the last few months, and for those who don’t know the reasons behind the move… it’s pretty simple.

Amazon has been trying to nail down on false reads for their KU program. And unfortunately, there’s been a slew of genres that were tagged, from Gamelit/Litrpg to Romance and Harem/Reverse Harem.

What that meant for a good few of my friends was that the page reads they’d been seeing for their books. (newly released books) were suddenly halved. In fact, more than halved in some cases.

In all the time I’ve been publishing my own Gamelit series, I’ve always had consistent KU reads, more so than my sales. So for the numbers that my friends had for KU reads to suddenly be slashed to less than their sales, something just doesn’t add up.

So some of us banded together and we made the decision to go wide as one!

I’ll be promoting these authors on this blog over the next week and sharing their amazing books.

So keep an eye out later this week, as I link in the first one! the fab RJ Castiglione’s!