Sickness :(

Hi everyone,

So I know I haven’t been keeping up to date with things. Once more I was struck down by an awful bug. I was fine on the Monday, as I went swimming, but then I got up and couldn’t speak the next day. How weird.

I was supposed to be going Scuba diving last Wed. Not a chance, I spent the whole weekend in bed, most of it asleep. Couldn’t go out with Paul on Sat night, so spent it in. Work last week was really tough. I had the manager with me again trying to drum up more customers, but it was tough. I spent the week working and in bed. The doc said I just needed to rest, drink lots of fluid etc. Oh well,

This week, I’m feeing better. Had a nice weekend and I was able to actually enjoy some of it. Paul and I went to the local bar Sat night where they had a live band on, quite good. Didn’t roll in till gone 1am which is not me. I’m getting used to enjoying my weekends, so much better having time off together than my last job at the petrol station where I had to work.

News that I have, been writing the introduction article to the next instalment for Science Fiction Freedom E’zine. The first draft sucked, so been going over it again. Hopefully it will be done this week.

I have had some time to read, was recommended on Facebook to a ‘like’ page for a script. Of course totally my genre, sci fi. So enjoyed that a lot on Sunday.

I’ve had a quiet Monday, work was okayish, hoping it will build over the next month, January blues should be on the mend and the xmas over spends caught up with.ย  I’ve been swimming today. 40 mins. There was an elderly lady next to me, I laughed when she was getting out at myself, said to her ‘maybe next time I will be able to keep up with her’ but after all it in only my second time in the pool for a session.

I do love being in the water, something about it just doesn’t feel like exersise, even though it is. I just have to be careful, I guess. Although Paul’s booked our summer holiday and my mind is already reeling over being on a beach… why do we think like that?

My brain wants to lose so much more weight, but I know it is wrong. Today I made sure I had breakfast and lunch, but as it is getting towards dinner I want to avoid it.

Could be so easy to tell Paul I already ate, I’m not hungry. I always wondered if the thoughts would ever go away. I guess they wont and I guess I could be in for a rough few months. I will not let anything happen to me again, but I can’t say I’m not scared.

Paul is on his way home, so I’m going to make dinner. Think of me. ๐Ÿ™‚


Friday (sat morning)

Hey everyone ๐Ÿ™‚

So Friday was an interesting day. To not talk about work too much though…. I work as a delivery driver for 2ufood, I deliver fresh sandwich’s and pastries to people at work, those who can’t get out or are too far to a shop.

The whole week had been so quiet, I had barely any customers all week. But they all came out… at 13:10 I rang the manager and said I’d sold everything bar one cup of soup and a cake… everything else had gone. What a storming day.

I had to hang around and wait for one of the other drivers at the garage, my Niece was having a birthday party (8) next door at my brother and sister-in-law’s dance school… so I sat with them for a bit…

I took Craig back to the yard and the boss had saved me all the buttys off the other van’s for the party. It was nice of him. I got to leave about an hour later than I normally would. I wasn’t too upset.

So I went to the party, took some wine and food and laughed at the entertainer and my niece as they baked a cake with magic. Kids are so easily pleased, mind you so was I… tee hee.

Saturday morning is my usual shopping and cleaning day. I’m trying to watch myself with the ‘food’ though. All the dance and scuba diving won’t help if we eat rubbish all week, so no more choc… the last from xmas will be gone soon. I’m not trying to over obsess with the weight stuff. But I do know I have to keep an eye on things. Knowing I need to lose about 2 stone doesn’t mean I want to lose 4, so I’m tracking my weight on the calander. From xmas to now, I’ve dropped 3kg, I’m hoping it will settle down and was just the weight loss from over eating and then going back to work. I will let you know though. ๐Ÿ™‚

I went out with mum to Southport to take some clothes back to Matalan and then went to Argos, I needed a new electric blanket, (my side broke, well it was 10 years old) we called at Morrisons and then came home to unpack and clean. I’ve just finished, how boring I know.

I’m just catching up with my emails now, had some good reviews this week. Seems people are getting back to the writing sites I use and becoming active again after the holidays. Awesome. So… I have some work to do, onwards with the writing and reading. Enjoy your day.


Scuba diving

I know I haven’t managed to keep a blog a day. But I’ve been pretty sick and have been exhausted with going into work. I can’t take any time off only just having started the job, wouldn’t look good.

Anyway so last night my other half (Paul) and I had planned to start Scuba diving. A friend of his has been doing it for years and teaches in Southport, so we tagged along and had our first scuba lesson.

I was pretty nervous before we left. I’m not the most confident of people in a bathing suit, let alone trying to do something that I’ve never done before, ever… I haven’t even been under-water since I was at school.

My instructor was very cool. A guy called Mike. He talked me through a few things and then we sat at the side of the pool to put on the suit. It didn’t feel that heavy when it was resting on the floor, but getting in without cracking the back of it was a little more difficult.

At the shallow end it was okay. I could stand up. Although I was under the impression that as soon as I got in the water that I’d sink. The whole suit was filled with air though so I couldn’t.

Attempting to follow instruction and breath through the regulator went okay. So we tried with my head under water. I didn’t like it. Not one bit.

Your most basic instinct when in water and you want to breath is to come to the surface. To breath underneath it is against every survival instinct you have. You are fighting nature, fighting the urge to surface.

I found that I was paniking more at the shallow end by the edge of the pool so Mike moved us further into the water said we’d try some swimming. You know once I was actually under the water and moving and I breathed, realised I could breath I was fine. It was only when I stopped and was thinking about it, it seemed to make it worse. I was at the deep end before I knew it. ๐Ÿ™‚ That made me happy.

Mike wanted me to get used to kneeling on the bottom, but I kept tipping backwards when I got down and found it very hard to get myself right again. I was like a turtle. Mike said that it didn’t matter if I was on my back, my knees or anything. As long as I was breathing, I was okay, everything else was fine.

I liked being under the water, we stayed there for most of the lesson. I got a little un-nerved when while at the bottom someone came over to him and started wrestling with the back of his tank. But I did stay calm and while they were occupied I just tried to carry on and breath while sat on the pool floor. I did good, the instructors tank had come loose and one of the other members had spotted it and fixed it for him.

Mike then tried to get me to do a forward roll at the deep end. I wasn’t comfortable doing this so I didn’t. Maybe next time.

After a good while longer, he checked my tank, only having 100 bar in it to start I was getting low, so he showed me the gauge, 0 bar we headed back to the shallow end and as I was getting there I tried to breath, nothing was coming out… I didn’t panic though until it got to inflate the suit to float. There was nothing left and I was filled with weights and stuck. My rational brain thought about it for a moment though and I knew I could stand up, it wasn’t a problem, although it was difficult.

So I’d made it through my first lesson, now we had to get out the pool. Believe you me, I’d never thought for one second that the suit weighed so much. I knew I had wobbly legs, not used to the swimming, but it was immensely heavy. We rinsed it off and took it apart then showered and went to the club meeting.

My other half hadn’t had such a good lesson, he was terrified under the water and couldn’t get used to the breathing. Where as I spent most of my time under, he spent it panicking. Poor thing! I was made up though, something I could do okay, and the teacher praised me… ๐Ÿ™‚

So, would I do it again. Yes. I really want to, I know it isn’t easy. I’m not telling you any lies, I was scared. Still am scared to some degree. I need to know more, I need to know all the safety aspects. I don’t ever want to run out of oxygen under water, no way, so I will learn as much as I can.

Been tired today in work, we didn’t get home till gone 11 last night. But it is a happy tired. I’ve done something I wasn’t sure I would ever do. But I really do want to dive with real fish and see them up close and personal that would be amazing.

I wanted to blog about this because it is something I think might interest a few people. I also think my progress in learning might be good. Something to reflect on, something to remind me of what it was like back in the beginning.

Speak soon.




Has it really been a year since I’ve posted anything on here? I don’t believe it. That was one crazy ride.

What did I accomplished in 2010?

– I stayed healthy, I didn’t let my eating disorder back into my life.

– I re-built the bedroom and living-room. Bought lots of nice new things.

– I almost had baby Koi in my pond. But I think the others ate them all, so this year Ill be more prepared.

– I set up a sick pond for any sick fish.

– I was published.ย :)ย The most amazing one.

– I am working on a re-write for my novel and have an artist friend who is helping bring my characters to life.

– I also changed my job, so I’m on more money and better hoursย :)


It was a good year. On to the next one.


– To dance Zumba every week at my sister in law’s Dance school… They’re great by the way…

– To Scuba dive… yikes.

– To publish as much as I can.

– To make another film.

– To sell a script of my own, or win another competition.

– To keep on being healthy.

How about everyone else? What are your plans? What were you proud of in 2010?


2nd Jan 2011

Hi there, so I’ve blogged for many years, but not here. I started to make the move from netlog. My account there had a lot of readers, but I never quite got around to it.

So here I am, trying to be more productive in 2011, I can’t think why. But I wanted a record this year.

In reflection 2010 was pretty interesting, I changed my job and finally I have my name in print. ๐Ÿ™‚ A journey and a half. So this year I wanted to have something to look back on, something to reflect on properly. I don’t think I’ve ever not written a diary/journal since the age of 13, but 2009/10 were years that flew past me in many ways.

For those who don’t know me, my story is a desperate one. Filled with inner pain and torment. I’m honest, I’m blunt and I don’t give up easily.

I make spelling mistakes when I type, I am only so-so with my grammar. But, I am learning.

So, plans for today…

After a fretful night of no sleep and horrific dreams. I need to tire myself out a little. A good walk will help.

I’ve also been working on my spin off story, untitled as of yet. But I’m trying my best to find one that fits. Titles aren’t my thing. Although writing really is. Word count so far 345. I’m quite pleased with that for a mornings work.

Speak soon