This week I have barely had the motivation to do anything, so haven’t been on here much, apart from to see what everyone else has been doing, so I thought I would just give a quick update.

I have been quite low in mood all week, but it has picked up from the week before. So that’s something positive, I am not looking forward to this week, as I will here from the hospital and I know then that I will have to do what they are asking, and my ed inside my head is saying not to and to deny everything that I am at the moment craving.

I still haven’t really looked at my script and the report back from New York. I should be excited and revved up to keep on moving forward, but I am not excited at all, and so I know something is really wrong. I know I am not the real me at the moment.

My Nan is not so good to, my mums Nan, the kind lady who puts us up every year for 8 weeks and doesn’t ask of anything, but a cooked meal at night, and some cleaning. (Lol) I love her to bits, but can see how she is deteriorating each week, she wants someone there all the time really and unless My mum and her brother can come up with something, I am afraid she will lose the house and end up in a home, and I really don’t want that.

I know its not long before we leave the caravan site, and we will be there, so I don’t think anything has to be decided until March next year, but I know for this year I really am going to have to keep pushing my mum, I think its one of those things she just cant admit to yet, but I saw how bad it was getting for her last year, and fear this year will defiantly be worse.

Im cooking at the moment, for my mum and step dad, Frank. They are coming up to spend the night, have a nice meal and a few drinks, watch a film, and chat about everything.

I am sure it will be good, but still there is food involved and I really don’t want to eat anything else today, it’s driving my nutty.

Umm what else is going on, not much really, I spent the day cleaning, and repairing everything, and doing a bit of reading. Paul has been fishing again, so am just waiting for everyone to arrive now.

Please take care everyone, Martin, Nex, Claire, Marcie, Stewart, and umm loads more.

Hope this week will be different and I can spend some time here.

Dawn xxx

Hey there everyone.

So had a bad week, but at least it is over, have been picking myself up slowly, although hardly ate anything at all, so feeling bad for that, as Ed is winning. I started this morning off not so good, ate a bit of toast before going horse riding. I think I would have fallen off other wise, oops.

When I got there Michelle had us booked in for ten it was 850… So I had a wait, plus it’s normally learners at ten, so we managed to squeeze in early and had our lesson before them. My normal horse Rufus is sick so I was put on Belle, and she was great, a bit smaller so I felt a bit sorry for her lumping my weight around, but her trot and canter were fantastic, she is much easier to ride, and not as lazy. So I am having her next time.

I heard from New York in the week, but wasn’t up to really thinking about it. I read the critique from the editor, and I have some improvements which can be made, so I am going to start them today. Then I also heard from my agent, who wants me to continue with a bit of extra coaching. I am unsure as I still think its a scam, but if I am learning and improving my skills in most ways it isn’t, its just money after all, and to invest in any care most of us go to college don’t we,

Also heard from the hospital, and they are having a meeting about me on the 1st October, to see when I can go in for a bit. Am really feeling low about everything, but am trying not to let it get me down to much. I had a bad week, am sure there are people out there who also have had bad weeks.

I am looking forward to some good ones though, and I have my holiday in 4 weeks, so am focussing on that. I know I need a break.

Hoping to get round to say hello to everyone today, but I might not, take care all. Love to ya….

Dawn xxx