Happy New Year – Onwards

I’ve kinda been putting off this sort of post, because the last two months have been so hard. As usual sometimes the only thing that keeps us going is the day to day normality of life, and the wonderful people around us.

But, there comes that time when you realise that sometimes it’s just not enough.

Christmas always brings with it reflection and makes you feel so much more, and this year has certainly not been the best.

As a moderator on some of the best groups on facebook one of the worst things with social media is finding out about an accident involving a loved one. This is something we’ve had to strive to fight off because it’s so easy to push that button and post a picture.

Then there’s this other side, that your lifes in a public setting and everyone and anyone can eventually find you. Yes, I get my fair share of stalkers too. Sometimes so many, and you get fed up of the Direct Messages, or naughty pictures ahah. Instant delete and block on facebook and twitter. Those internet sites will never change.

We were told through facebook over the holidays that my husbands brother had passed away. His estranged family contacted him through facebook. He doesn’t do facebook and it was a weird thing because I don’t often check out his profile. Moments after the message had been delivered, I got the same message through on ‘requests’ on my own page.

I don’t need to say anything, and I won’t. A life lost is a shame, and we’re in shock and mourning. Though once again it makes you realise that not everything is as it should be and that you need a kick up the backside to do something about it.

I won’t make any new years resolutions, I just plan on ‘doing’ I already spent my time over the holidays looking at new things to do with my life. There are some very good opportunities around my local area at the moment, and fingers crossed that will be one thing that will make some very nice changes for me, and my family.

So with a little luck on my side, and a positive attitude, I am looking forward to 2017 and no matter what the next month brings. Will deal with it the best way I can.

Feeling a little lost :(

There is a lot going on at my home at the moment, we’ve had two weeks of building work and so many other little things that have been bounced about over the last month. I can’t really catch you all up on things to be fair.

But today, I saw something that made me feel really sad. When someone touches your life in a very amazing, supportive way, and then all of a sudden they’re gone. Taken from this life we live, far far too soon.

What we live with, with mental disorders and eating problems of all aspects, nothing can hurt more than seeing someone so bright.. vanish.

I’ve witnessed this morning a lot of friends over this so so upset, and today. I am not sure how I feel, sad of course. To tears, yes. How do you grieve for a friend you never really met, but meant so much to you on such a personal level that not many can understand.

So this I guess is a heartfelt and sorrowful post. Hug those you love, share with those you can’t hug, the love and friendship you have with them. Support each other, talk and laugh. Life is so tough sometimes, and not everyone of us knows when that might end.

x x

Saying Goodbye

Today is a day where we get to say goodbye to a very close old family friend. Ronnie Docker.

It is not going to be a good day.

It will be, however, a day of reflection and one of many assaults on all my senses.

This year has been one of the worst for a few reasons. This being one of them. I don’t deal with death, or dying very well at all. It’s something I can’t see. Like literally I can’t see.

It might seem cold, and it isn’t. I just can’t deal with it. When my nan died on my dad’s side. She’d been very ill for a long time. I loved going to see them. But, the more she deteriorated, the more I couldn’t cope, in her last few weeks. Both Paul and my dad tried to get me to visit but I couldn’t.

Anorexia and depression already had me in it’s horrible grips as I was awaiting my call to go to Cheadle Royal hospital.

It was at her funeral that the beast took hold completely and over the next few months I lost around more weight than I should have. That day took me back to my earlier years you see, when my grandad died, to where I was being bullied at school left right and centre.

I don’t ever pertain to understand the complex way my mind works. Or in the how I deal with things. I don’t deal with some things very well at all, and that voice in my head just takes over instead. It is what it is. A coping mechanism for feeling.

I am where I am today because of those people and the ED that made me internalise all the things
hateful things anyone ever said.

Today, I am going to allow myself to feel. I am going to say goodbye to a gentleman who brought many things to my life. From your cantankerous old ways to the laughter and fun.

I know who I am, I will remember where I have come from, I will not go backwards, I will be okay.

Ron, where ever you are, be happy. We will miss you lots and lots.

~ Dawn

I’m so excited :)

Hey all – it has been a busy week.

One thing I have found in plotting over the last week is no matter how well you know your story. That sometimes the characters can surprise you.

Book 3 has really had me stumped for some time. The end goal and Kendro’s Death being one of the damned hardest things to get through ever, because I’ve known it and it’s been written in the TV series for many years and something which was hard then.

Leading through Book 1 and 2 Kendro totally stole my heart. I don’t and never want to kill anyone, but when you go through and live and learn with your characters through a few hundred thousand words, getting to that point is bad.

The fact that he tries so hard to avoid all conflict leading to his demise is noble, but the outcome still the same. Just in a very different way. I lose him.

Today, I built up the chapters leading to this. The ultimate battle between worlds. The situation is dire, there is nothing anyone else can do. And it’s been an awesome day!

Nano isn’t for everyone. I totally understand that. The fact that you’ve to hit targets some people can’t deal with, but I find it liberating. The support from other writers around the world is amazing, and with camp you can set your own goals… even better.

So, roll on April the 1st! I’m all set to go! and totally excited for it… how is your WIP treating you? are you taking part in camp nano?

RIP Hunnie….

Jay Taylor, a beautiful friend. Taken far too early.

 

For those who know me a little bit, and for those who don’t know me… 

I suffered with Anorexia and Bulimia for 16 years. I’ve been in recovery for 4, and a very hard fight to get to where I am. 

Today I lost a wonderful friend to the terrible illness, a friend who picked me up, laughed with me and cared for me, when she was suffering as much as I was. (i know that some people know nothing about these illnesses

This is my blog, but this is a place where people pop in from all over the world. They come and I hope they learn something too. Maybe you’ve known someone, or do know someone, or may in the future. 

RIP hunnie, your fight was a tough one, you fought your best. With God there will be no more pain. 

Love to everyone out there, suffering and to those lives you touched, for you sure touched mine.