Stressful Week! but it is over!

 

It’s really just been one of those weeks, where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Work’s been up the wall with this new computing system, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel with it, and it’s looking like a very good system. It’s just been so so tough getting here.

The other half’s been on 4 early shifts, and that always makes me more tired and irritable and nothing seemed to be going right from Monday, I pranged my work van as well, the weather here has been nice for a change and that meant sun… which one min there it was, and I could see to reverse and the next it had gone. I was reversing up a hill and before I could brake I hit a wall. Uggh, not only broke the lights, I obliterated them 😦 Oh dear…

The biggest issue has been with the bank. I noticed on Wed that a 99p payment wouldn’t go through for amazon, and on thursday my google account had been stopped. So we called in and the Fraud team had stopped everything, I had sorted it out last night, but this morning nope, no access to any of our accounts. Sigh, so more messing about from 4.30 am in the morning when I should have been in work cleaning my van.

Driving around, I could hear some weird noise, yep, brake pads gone… so had to also sort that out today. Why….

Thank Crunchie it’s Friday, and I’m done!

Time to chill out and then I can actually do some work and catch up with things tomorrow!

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Struggle

Hey guys.

I admit I’ve come to write a few blog posts over the last few weeks. While on holiday and then back at home. But I’ve struggled.

This week back at work was a proper doozy of a week. With my van breaking down and then swapping over to a new one and back, with catching up on things at home. I’ve never had time to actually do much of anything.

We have had the worst bad news so far this year, resulting in 3 losses of members of our family and close friends. The latter just this Thursday. It has not been easy on any of us, and the toll is there. It’s in the back of your mind when you are alone, and thinking of things.

I always try and balance the good and the bad. But the bad is outweighing things at the moment. I’m plugging away, but my brain is starting to slow, and my heart pains me.

I completed my campnano goal. Then forgot to validate… 😦 but I’ve been very happy writing in my TSK world. Which we also now have a twitter page! please follow us! https://twitter.com/TeamSecretKing I couldn’t get the full name we wanted, seems someone else has had that from 2009 and has actually never tweeted a darned thing. Sucks, but this one is fine 🙂

My closest friends know what I’m going through and in how I’m coping, I wanted to let everyone here and there know that although its been the pits, I’m kinda doing okay…. I’m eating, I’m trying to still walk and exercise and I’m trying not to drink too much. Stress brings out two things in me, the ED that wants to cut off all my fat and not eat like FOREVER! the voice in my head that tells me every time I get a minute alone, that I’m not worthy of love or anything that I hold dear. The voice that is a constant battle to kick to the curb and tell it I am worth more. And then there’s that one other more destructive way to drown out the voice for a while. SI. Which I don’t ever wish to return too, but it’s the thoughts that are a consistent battle and the thoughts at the moment which are there pounding away at the resolve that I do have left.

I want to give in.

I don’t want to fight.

But I must.

For everything that is in my life which is good, is worth more than this rubbish. ED will you just F’in do one!

So yes, it’s more than a struggle. And I’m putting it out there, so that people know why. The day job sucks eggs. I love my customers, the people in work are so so. They try and make you laugh, when inside you feel like dying. But it is there, and it’s good to be out the house.

There it is. The thoughts I’m stuck with. The week I want to just put aside, like the rubbish year it’s been.

I am concentrating on my writing, trying to be the best I can be, for the people who care.

Love you all x x

Personal Update

So yeah, just what it is.

Things over here not so good. We had pretty much a January from hell. With news about a close friend, and then my mum being diagnosed with Skin Cancer and having her op. Paul and I have both been ill and off work, hit with a nasty flu bug which knocked us both off our feet. Paul’s still not well with a bad chest infection that won’t clear and now Pleurisy.

We also lost my Uncle Bert last week, and his funeral was today. I couldn’t get the time off work, and it’s not like we were too close either but I might have liked to be there for mum. It’s been so tough this last few I just don’t know where I am fitting it all in.

I do know, I’m stuck, no sleep, no time to think or feel properly. I’m at that cusp of a breakdown, and its not getting easier.

That control I want and need from ED is creeping back. My health issues caused me so many problems I cut out all the rubbish and then that means all the good stuff too. Do I don’t I? I’m numb beyond words, and I want to get through this.

Sigh, also I had two lots of feedback from the beta group. Two totally opposites… and one that was just iffy to say the least.

I need to get away for like a year and do something exciting.

Any takers, fancy letting us sleep on the floor ?

Weekend :)

Sat night… 

 

It was a wonderful night out with our friends. There were 9 of us, and the restaurant we ate at was nice. Paul was a little disappointed with his choice, but mine was nice, fish lasagne  Totally fishy and different. 🙂 

We went back to their place for a couple of drinks. (Although I was driving) and it was just very pleasant. 

 

Sun, 

 

Carried on with a little bit of editing. Seems there isn’t enough time in the day at all to get on with this at the moment. Although I am really enjoying it. 

 

We went Wrexham to pick up a trailer that we won from Ebay. It was a quick trip and pretty easy to find, although we got lost off a few roundabouts. 

We did see an accident though, some guy took a bend from a 60 zone into a 30, and spun out. I knew he was going to fast, there was no way he would make the bend at the speed he overtook us at. 

Eventful day but we stopped to have our dinner on the way back. Much better food than sat, weird huh. Think we’ll get Paul’s friend to come up this way instead next time. 🙂 

Work today was hard. Think I’m coming down with a cold or something, bones are aching. Which isn’t nice while driving around. I’m editing tonight, so this is only just a quick catch up. 

Thinking of you all though, take care. 

 

Dawn