2022 huh?

Man the time flies.

I did find another artist, we worked hard at matching my series style and I published book 6.

However due to the lost momentum, book 7 and 8 had to be put on hold while I gave my editors other work to keep them also moving forwards.

This year is still pretty much sort my life out, and get my house back together.

The insurance denied all claims. The ombudsmen only managed to fight for 1 persons compensation, and it only covered the horrid increase on the insurance policy due to the possible claim.

The house looks good though, we are mostly back together, sleeping back in a bedroom with time to ourselves if needed.

I’ve started walking again but it’s hit and miss because of health and I’m eating better than I have all last year.

Fingers crossed this years a good one.

🙂 here’s some pics.

Taking a step back – Truths

So here we are, and I’m bringing you up to date with things how they happened through June, I had planned to put 3 chapters a week through till I published book 6, but the month started bad, so I slowed it all down, and now with SS6’s last chapter published I’m telling the truth.

Essentially, as many of you know I planned to publish the 4 books every other month from April. So, June, August, October.

I let everyone know over on Facebook and my groups this last week that it wasn’t happening in June, but I’ve not spoken out as I needed things to settle, and I had to give the person responsible some time to respond to my emails.

I’ve heard nothing sooo…

My artist let me down. Big time. There are just no words for the lack of professionalism, or even consideration for anyone else but themselves.

Not only did she not deliver on her promises for my covers. (I should have had book 7s by the end of June,) but I had to reorganise my editors schedule, and I couldn’t publish book 6. Leaving myself and my fans with nothing. (I know you guys got the early draft here, but not the public)

I’m sure you all know her art, and her name, she’s very big in the genre and she is not cheap. Her art is amazing, she’s super talented, and I adored her. Not anymore. I have done my best to not say anything in a public place, bar that something happened and I had to pause life for it.

She has always been late, never once delivering anything when predicted. Every cover. All last year too, which when I booked her for the next 4 covers I already knew and vectored into my schedule an extra 3 months for her to complete work.

However, later and later she was, (I know being ill sucks too) this year has not been easy on any of us. Things just fell apart from April onwards, (there were other issues which I’m not posting about in public)

I emailed her in May with no answer and with book 6 due to publish 25th June. I specifically asked her again in email beginning of June did I need to hold off, she promised she’d deliver in the next week. The next week never came. Why not just tell the truth? I’m more frustrated with the ghosting than anything else.

Communication is everything in this world.

June 22nd she emailed me a question, still saying the cover was coming. I hoped it was… I really did.

Everything was set for an amazing night, the 25th June, publishing book 6, the indie audio awards where I was staying out… but nothing came. Not even an apology or a reason, just nothing.

On the 24th June with still nothing I had to post saying I couldn’t publish the book. 😦

There was still nothing from my artist. I try not to see what people post on facebook when they’re ghosting me, but it’s hard. What they do in their own time is their business. But this started to get to me.

On Monday the 28th I went looking for I guess some kind of release, and I posted in a private group, and spoke to one friend about it. That night my artist posted to her group with basically everything I’d said in the private group. Knowing that someone told her from that group was not very nice, but again nothing that wasn’t the truth either…. and she knows it. So do all my friends who have watched me stress and agonise over this for the last few months.

Not once has she written to me.

A public post to her group is not an apology to me.

A public post does not put food on my table.

So I fired her on the 30th, giving her the opportunity to communicate with me within 14 days, so I could get books 5 cover and new typography to match for books 6-8

Still nothing at all. The two weeks are up, so I’m telling the truth.
As friends and other creatives I get that things go wrong. Life can be very difficult. Mine sure has been. I don’t talk much about the daily things I go through, but not eating properly for nearly 12mths, living in one room fighting my insurance company to fix my house up and general world related problems has been beyond terrible. You know me, well.

You all know I love you a ton. I value your friendship and support. So for that I thank you.

Writers have to publish. If I’m not publishing, I’m not earning. The fact my artist dropped the ball so much has not only left me in shit, but added to all the other stress of then having to cancel my editors (can’t pay them if I’m not earning). I feel like just giving up and that is not what I want. But I’m not the only person in the chain of creating.

I won’t give up though, just means some of the things I’m doing now are not just writing related. I’ve taken on a very large editing job for a client that is scheduled through till next summer.

Mostly I writing to tell you I do not know where I’m going from here, and I needed you all to know and understand the reasons why.

I will decide later this month if I continue to post here, and if I’ll pause all the membership.

Thank you for all your support.



Lots of people don’t like talking about stress, or mental health.

I’d say even more so this last year. But things can take a turn at anytime in your life.

I tried, I was doing okay, but this month of April, I had my vaccine shot (first one) and it kicked my ass. I then got a cold which wiped my smell and taste away again.

It’s pretty easy to see where I started to introduce food again, and though it’s been a little up and down in the week it’s been going up and up, till it hit critical with extra stress as above this month.

I have limits set. And set for a reason, so that I have to address it. Before the turn last year it was extra weight and stress. Now I’ve no extra weight to lose. I’m under what I was in 2019. But not quite as low as hospital weights.

I’ve done what I can this week, cut the coffee, drank more water, and it’s coming down, I had 3 days of rest from food. Its really hard for anyone to understand the feelings around this.

I’ve tried my doctors, eating disorder groups and talking but no one gets it.

Food is the devil. There no pleasure only pain. I can just about taste sweet stuff. Spicy, nope. Got the hottest Siracha sauce today going. Was like tasting mayonnaise and Paul couldn’t stand it… Haha

But it sucks.

I get to go to the docs Friday. 3mth checkup. Its been 9 mths since I had bloods done. I feel okay, but I’ve lost half my hair and have bald spots… 😭

I was getting new hair growth, but if I curb the food again 😭

I want to see a way out of this, but the emotions around it are some of the worst.

Went shopping today, the washing aisle was like walking into a human waste facility. Gag…. Ugh grin and bare it.

I had to buy some new clothes, have only wore slippers for 12 mths like most people. My other shoes had it. The rest all packed away.

Wonderful isn’t it… We also have moss growing in my bedroom…

The ombudsmen have at least emailed me back. The company coming out come the 11th May for more tests…

This month ahead is gonna be busy. But I have the most amazing people around me. For that I am very very grateful. They know who they are.

I don’t talk much, I don’t post much. I hide in my work and my worlds.

If you hide in other people’s worlds and enjoy it, review those authors. Tell them you love their work and why.

If you don’t love it, and want to hit that 1 or 2 star button, hold off, that person might just be at the end of their tether. A little kindness or just not posting goes a long long way.

Love ya all 💕

Hair loss

It kinda goes without saying that I have a lot, lot of hair.

But when it starts to drop out in clumps, you know your body’s stopped supplying it with the means to grow, it happened at this point in 2007 and again in 2015, but it still doesn’t mean its a shock. The body knows how to look after and preserve itself, and rapid weight loss, 48lb is a lot in 14 weeks. 😭

I guess its almost a good thing I do have a ton of it, but already its feeling the strain. But three days of brushing out tons, hurts, it gets so knotted it stays where it wants in the morning and brushing it out ughh nightmare.

Where do I see myself going right now, sadly not to a good place. The years off to a rough start, covid has taken far too many people I care about already and I don’t see this letting up.

I’m trying and failing, and trying again. Food sucks, some is okay, but the rest I just can’t stand.

Hugs for all, even distanced ones count. X x


Xmas day

The build up was worse the smells the idea of food.

I cooked it was all in here, I didn’t cook everything we’d usually have. And nothing had any flavours or additional things in. It was all seperate, took longer and wasn’t the Xmas dinner we’d usually have.

But, I ate. I tried the meat, beef and chicken. Nope. So I stuck to my version of veggies.

Wine was awful but not as bad as rum.

The pic of Bobby is because we have no decorations at all. Looks a sad lonley house. Lol