31/10/04

Is it just me or is it just hard for us all to let the feelings out, to try and understand whats going on inside and to move forward,

 

I seem to do ok for a while but then it starts to head backwards, and I cant seem to get out of the habit, of hating me,

Why do I hate me so much why cant I be happy and like the person I am, am I so bad. what have I done wrong,

 

Ed is still there niggling in the background and I cant stand him being there I want to get rid of him but with each bite he is telling me I am wrong and I am bad.

 

There is something bad in him that wants me to self destruct but I cant give up the fight, it feels like hes winning me bk, but no I keep on fighting him and its so hard.

Would just be so easy to give in, but I cant I know I cant I dont want this anymore,

I dont want to feel this bad anymore, I want to be free, and I am crying now, this torture cant go on, I am in the middle of a crossroads, and I cant choose either way to go, am stuck with a choice and I cant make it,

 

My friend Pat says things are gonna come to a head at xmas and I dont want that, want to hide away and not go anywhere dont want anything to come out dont feel I can handle it, or my family can.

Am so lost, cant talk, cant thinkk cant fight, Love you all,

hugs,

XXXxxxxxxxx Dawn

 

 

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30/10/04

 

Hi everyone,

((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Just wanted to say, that I am struggling with talking at the moment, and its not easy for me to actually post anything, so please dont think I am ignoring anyone, as I love you all, and you are all in my thoughts all day n everyday,

 

You have all helped me so much and I am greatful to everyone of ya,

 

Hope everyone else is doing ok, and I will be trying to get back to normal pretty soon,

Love ya,

 

Dawn

Xxxxxx

27/10/04

 

Hello everyone, I just wanted to post this as I know sometimes things dont go to plan,

It is lovely to want to meet up with people on the internet and coming on sites like this to help us all heal on the inside is great, and life long friendships and great bonds are formed.

I myself have met some people I have made friends with on another site, which was wonderful but I wanted to warn everyone as sometimes people are wrong.

 

I want everyone to be careful about getting too involved and to follow some simple internet rules,

 

1, always make sure someone knows where and how and who you are going to meet.

2. talk over the phone before you do meet, make sure parents and or partners know your schedule.

3.Meet in a public place and take a mobile phone with you, so if anything looks wrong, you can call someone straight away.

4. If someone else approaches you on behalf of your friend, walk away.

 

Please do not arrange to meet anyone if you have no intentions of keeping these promises, I know it sometime might not be possible to keep a promise, but remenber everyone here and on other sites are human, and some go to extreme lengths to travel to meet people.

 

If you cant make it ring and explain why, i know sometimes things come up, family stuff, but dont let anyone down with out good reason this is not only unfair but can be dangerous for the person you have arranged to meet, being stuck in a city or town they dont know.

 

Imagine if you were put in this situation, lost alone, and scared, not good.

 

Please everyone be aware of others feelings, we have all been through a lot, and are struggling with stuff on the inside, we all want love and support, we dont need letting down,.

 

Thankyou for listening,

 

Love and hugs

Dawn

xxxxxxx

26/10/04

 

Hi everyone,

Just to let you know some of the things running round my head at the moment, and things going on in my life, Ron is coming out today which i am glad for and my nan is now home in her newly decorated house, nan went to the docs yesterday and there is nothing the can do for her with the cancer, as it has spread to her liver already, it is a slow one, so that is quite good news it means she may have another five years so they say but I am not counting my chikens yet, having a nice few days off with my hubby, we went xmas shopping today and as usual money just disappeared, I had £200 then I had none, oh well thankfully it only comes once a year and I am a bit early, but least I dont have to painc now, as I never have had any money to get any before, so oh well,

 

I can say though to everyone here you are the best and I wish for each and everyone of us that father xmas will get rid of all our troubles for us, if he cant do this then at least aid us in our recovery,

 

Stay safe everyone and strong, I am with you all in spirit day in day out  and I love you all with all my heart,

 

Love and hugs,

Dawn

xxxxx

25/10/04

 

Well everyone I had the most wonderful weekend ever with my two new bestest friends,

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((huge hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) 4 them both,

((((((((Love you loads)))))))))

It was so cool to spend some quality time with them, and I loved every minute of it,

Unfortunatly for me, ed tried to ruin everything, and my husband kept telling me off,  cause I wasnt eatin enough, grrr, i did ok though I when I had taken lottie to the station we went for our tea and I ate a full meal, struggled from start to finish but I ate it.

 

Please everyone try this week for the pain and hurt we see in each other, is just the same for all of us, and we dont see it in ourselves,

 

Its hard and I know this, and I knwo we can also do it, together,

 

Love you all, sorry this is short,

Love Dawn