31/10/04

Is it just me or is it just hard for us all to let the feelings out, to try and understand whats going on inside and to move forward,

 

I seem to do ok for a while but then it starts to head backwards, and I cant seem to get out of the habit, of hating me,

Why do I hate me so much why cant I be happy and like the person I am, am I so bad. what have I done wrong,

 

Ed is still there niggling in the background and I cant stand him being there I want to get rid of him but with each bite he is telling me I am wrong and I am bad.

 

There is something bad in him that wants me to self destruct but I cant give up the fight, it feels like hes winning me bk, but no I keep on fighting him and its so hard.

Would just be so easy to give in, but I cant I know I cant I dont want this anymore,

I dont want to feel this bad anymore, I want to be free, and I am crying now, this torture cant go on, I am in the middle of a crossroads, and I cant choose either way to go, am stuck with a choice and I cant make it,

 

My friend Pat says things are gonna come to a head at xmas and I dont want that, want to hide away and not go anywhere dont want anything to come out dont feel I can handle it, or my family can.

Am so lost, cant talk, cant thinkk cant fight, Love you all,

hugs,

XXXxxxxxxxx Dawn

 

 

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