A sad day ~ hugs

Today we’re heading over to Whales for a Family Funeral. It has been a long hard month with loads of other complications, and life niggles, as it usually happens, always in 3’s or 6’s for us. But it’s especially hard over the holidays and in naturally the hardest month of the year. Today might be difficult for everyone, but it will be good to remember things and of course put other things to rest.

Families can be one of the hardest things to have around you, or not around you. It doesn’t mean you aren’t family though or that they don’t cross your mind.

So, on that note, hug everyone close to you, tell them you love them and remember all the good things about everyone who was and is close.

x x x

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Life – poem

Life is not the best right now and I could do with a rest.

I believe it’s just a test right now, yet I still feel so blessed.

What hurts me, and makes me cry, also makes me fight.

No, no, not flight… I might have once turned and run.

Wether it be just a test or the best, I am not done.

Where would be the fun.

—–

hugs

~ Dawn

x x

 

Life changing experience – New Me!

Hey everyone.

(This post will contain weights and numbers and could be triggering for some, please do not read if suffering)

I wanted to write this post because its been a long road, but a good one. It is going to cover some of what I’ve been through over the last few months in changing my weight and turning my depression on it’s head. It started 13 weeks ago and is entering it’s second phase and I really wanted to share how positive an experience it’s been.

I want to include a couple of pictures here, to show the differences in 18mths in myself and how my body has changes in the last 13 weeks too.

2015-08-15 09.24.26

This was where I started off in 2014. with my journey at The Wellness Centre in Burscough. But after all the good I did, I hurt my back and started off with 2015 as one of the worst years in our lives, I hadn’t realised how much I was comfort eating at work. (I drive a food delivery truck and the weight piled on, till I hit rock bottom and breaking point at 17 stone 2lbs.

2015-08-15 09.24.58

The bottom line is where I am at now.

I wasn’t one for pictures. But these were some taken last year, and early this year.

Old me      old me 2

This was part way through my journey with Lipotrim.

Middle me    middle me 2

And this is me now 🙂

2015-08-12 15.52.23     And me now. 🙂

Dawn Chapman

What I really wanted to discuss, was the change in my attitude though. After suffering with eating disorders for most of my life, I went into this knowing all the risks, all the ways it could go wrong, and all the ways it could go right. I decided that this was for me and that this was a decision I could make as an adult.

So I did it, I went for it, I struggled, I battled through the weekly regime and I have reached my set goal weight.

When I was attending Cheadle Royal Eating Disorders Unit, My weight went from 88kg and dropped to 71kg, this was after losing both my grandparents, and virtually not eating anything but yoghurt for 5 mths. I was in a bad place, but the Unit and the staff there helped me see why I did things and why I used food as a crutch, when food was no longer an issue in 2007 I turned to alcohol and Self Harm, it was a very bad year for me, but Cheadle Royal got me through it and in 2010 I was discharged from them at 83kg.

I have gone from 109kg to just under 83kg, and this is a good weight for me. I am happy, but this journey doesn’t stop here, because I need to carry on and be healthy. After going Total Food Replacement, I am now re-introducing foods again. I admit I was a little apprehensive of doing this. But, I was also armed with the re-feeding I did at Cheadle Royal.

This last week, I’ve been introducing healthy foods. Yey! and because this week has been such a milestone in my life. Reaching my target weight, and receiving the proof copy of my first novel, we went out to celebrate last night and I also had my first Vodka and Coke in 13 weeks.

With the help of The Wellness Centre now I have different goals. I do still want to reduce my body fat down some because I want to build my muscle back up again. My metabolic rate is the lowest I’ve seen it in a long time, and this also needs to pick up.

So, healthy eating and good foods. (It really tastes amazing now) and exercise.

For a treat, I booked a photo shoot for the 12th September. I’ve never done this before. Never wanted to document my life in such a way. Camera’s scare me! but I would like some professional pictures for my books and websites, and to do it because I know I can.

Eating Disorders and Mental Illness suck, but with things we learn over the years, we can pool ourselves together and turn a horrible year into the best year.

Keep positive when you have doubts, keep active when you want to hide. But more than anything, never give up.

Hugs.

Dawn

I’m so excited :)

Hey all – it has been a busy week.

One thing I have found in plotting over the last week is no matter how well you know your story. That sometimes the characters can surprise you.

Book 3 has really had me stumped for some time. The end goal and Kendro’s Death being one of the damned hardest things to get through ever, because I’ve known it and it’s been written in the TV series for many years and something which was hard then.

Leading through Book 1 and 2 Kendro totally stole my heart. I don’t and never want to kill anyone, but when you go through and live and learn with your characters through a few hundred thousand words, getting to that point is bad.

The fact that he tries so hard to avoid all conflict leading to his demise is noble, but the outcome still the same. Just in a very different way. I lose him.

Today, I built up the chapters leading to this. The ultimate battle between worlds. The situation is dire, there is nothing anyone else can do. And it’s been an awesome day!

Nano isn’t for everyone. I totally understand that. The fact that you’ve to hit targets some people can’t deal with, but I find it liberating. The support from other writers around the world is amazing, and with camp you can set your own goals… even better.

So, roll on April the 1st! I’m all set to go! and totally excited for it… how is your WIP treating you? are you taking part in camp nano?

Cora – Day 4

Cora today was going bonkers over Bobby flying about although she couldn’t see him she could sure hear him and respond. And him for her. It really is love at first sound. I would never have thought it.

So the sneaky bird Bobby, managed to get back in to see her and when I found him this time, he was dancing to her and she was open beaked accepting food from him. facepalm.

When we took him away, she wasn’t happy. Clearly and resumed pacing.

So, normally QT is essential for birds, but they’re already managed to break it. The joy of not having doors that close and the species of bird being the same. The fact that they clearly want to be together is going to prove impossible to stop. I’ve been wondering if it would just be easier on them both to be in the same room. So we’re going to play about and see if both cages will fit. Not easy in my 10ft, by 8ft room.

🙂 Will keep you updated. And seeing as Cora has joined the flock a vet visit alongside ‘chubby’ will do well.

Now I’ll have to weigh them both, and I’m really sure Cora will get used to things quicker if Bobby’s her influence, he’s a little gem 🙂 honest….