A sad day ~ hugs

Today we’re heading over to Whales for a Family Funeral. It has been a long hard month with loads of other complications, and life niggles, as it usually happens, always in 3’s or 6’s for us. But it’s especially hard over the holidays and in naturally the hardest month of the year. Today might be difficult for everyone, but it will be good to remember things and of course put other things to rest.

Families can be one of the hardest things to have around you, or not around you. It doesn’t mean you aren’t family though or that they don’t cross your mind.

So, on that note, hug everyone close to you, tell them you love them and remember all the good things about everyone who was and is close.

x x x

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Happy New Year – Onwards

I’ve kinda been putting off this sort of post, because the last two months have been so hard. As usual sometimes the only thing that keeps us going is the day to day normality of life, and the wonderful people around us.

But, there comes that time when you realise that sometimes it’s just not enough.

Christmas always brings with it reflection and makes you feel so much more, and this year has certainly not been the best.

As a moderator on some of the best groups on facebook one of the worst things with social media is finding out about an accident involving a loved one. This is something we’ve had to strive to fight off because it’s so easy to push that button and post a picture.

Then there’s this other side, that your lifes in a public setting and everyone and anyone can eventually find you. Yes, I get my fair share of stalkers too. Sometimes so many, and you get fed up of the Direct Messages, or naughty pictures ahah. Instant delete and block on facebook and twitter. Those internet sites will never change.

We were told through facebook over the holidays that my husbands brother had passed away. His estranged family contacted him through facebook. He doesn’t do facebook and it was a weird thing because I don’t often check out his profile. Moments after the message had been delivered, I got the same message through on ‘requests’ on my own page.

I don’t need to say anything, and I won’t. A life lost is a shame, and we’re in shock and mourning. Though once again it makes you realise that not everything is as it should be and that you need a kick up the backside to do something about it.

I won’t make any new years resolutions, I just plan on ‘doing’ I already spent my time over the holidays looking at new things to do with my life. There are some very good opportunities around my local area at the moment, and fingers crossed that will be one thing that will make some very nice changes for me, and my family.

So with a little luck on my side, and a positive attitude, I am looking forward to 2017 and no matter what the next month brings. Will deal with it the best way I can.

So busy, so busy…

That time when the voice from within is trying to break through.

That time when I say, no, and really mean I will always say, no.

—— poem 2016, – Dawn.

What happens –

 

What happens to you, when you’re so busy you don’t allow yourself to feel?

What happens to you, when your life takes  a turn for the worse?

 

Do you stop, and allow yourself the time to heal?

Do you allow yourself the time to turn it around?

 

Not always do we have the strength to go on.

Not always do we have the heart to believe we’re worth more.

 

Yet, somewhere there is hope.

Somewhere there is a belief.

 

Belief that we are what matters.

Belief that we are so much more than just thinking or feeling.

 

We are strong, we are better.

We are more than ED.

 

The RollerCoaster of life stuff

 

I always feel that I should post positive stuff, you know because life for TSK and my writing is so exciting at the moment. Honestly… that side of work couldn’t be better. 🙂

But, this last week’s been one of the hardest emotionally. I can’t lie, in fact the whole month of Feb has been a roller coaster of ‘life stuff’ It’s always the way, I seem to be excelling for TSK and then the crapper hits the fan at home and well without TSK and the team I think I’d be curled up in a corner somewhere hiding from the world. I never get the chance, and for that I’ve very thankful for. The guys around me are amazing.

The life stuff –

We lost my Aunt Muriel this last week, the last living relative of my mums side of the family and after last years string of ‘death’ I had hoped that we could start off with a better year. In one way I’m glad she’s not suffering anymore but then it just makes you think about how truly short life really is, even at the age she was.  95….

Then there’s some ‘other’ problem that I can’t talk about, but a few of my closest friends know of. It makes me very sad that the world is such a cruel place and I can only ask that you think of me in kind light over the next few months, this will not be easy. But, I will support those around me, and keep on smiling, because I am a survivor. That is what we do. Smile when inside you feel like giving in.

I feel the downer side of this week is because of the time of year, and today more so because it’s an anniversary of a friends death from many years ago. The fact it’s been Eating Disorder Awareness week, always brings home that terrible pain and time of my life where I was giving up and I think that in itself has made the week harder than it might have been any other time.

The fact I’m here and doing some of the most exciting things in my life is testament that I won’t ever give up fighting. I’m fighting for other things now, things that bring me passion and joy, not just the right to ‘eat’ and barely survive.

I am hoping that March will let us breathe at least a little, our family could use some  good news…

hugs x

 

Remembering Spooky….

I can’t say that it’s because I’ve been totally awestruck in everything TSK that I’ve not posted. Last weekend I had to put my 19 year old cat Spooky to sleep. It was one of the worst moments of my life, and has left me feeling really devastated. It’s already been a week, and this sadness is lingering.

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It’s so hard, I know I’ll still always have Bobby and he’s so good at keeping me company at the moment. 🙂 I can’t be without a little friend. But I miss my furry one.

I’m going to write up another post for all TSK because so much is going on it’s been the only thing keeping me really from spiralling downwards.

I do want to feel happy again… it will take some time, she was a big part of our lives.

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D x x