First drink, and real test… Vibrant Vegan :)

So it was my birthday, and I wanted to try one drink. We picked run, and made some dark n stormy.

Sadly it was terrible. 😭 And tasted liek sweaty socks. So no alcohol for me.

After my birthday, and my rum tasting awful. I want very hopeful in trying this, but it didn’t smell bad.

At least not like the meat products I’ve been cooking for Paul.

It was spicy, and I could taste the kick. I felt it had taste though wasn’t quite sure what, tomatoes, and the cashew nuts were distinguishable. The quorn added texture.

I thi k at the moment, texture and some flavours is good. But I am not going to get it. Not like a normal person.

I tried a small but of banana this morning. That was a, no. Bobby got the rest.

Hard truth

I don’t think any of us can know how we will react to things till we are exposed to them.

I don’t think any of us can know how we will cope, or what we will do.

You think you are doing okay, and life railroads you completely.

Literally the year that was supposed to be one of the best in my life. Turned into such a mess, and although I’m trying I can’t see a way out. Attending Cheadle Royal in 2007 was the hardest thing I ever did. I feel like I’m back at that cross roads

How can you be expected to eat when everything is awful? How can you be expected to try. There’s nothing more depressing than a horrible taste in you mouth. Seriously the smell is the worst.

I did manage to eat, but my body’s telling me things I had forgotten. That voice is a killer.

Nearly my birthday, and I couldn’t hate myself anymore. 😭

—————

I was writing the above, listening to a friend on discord when I got the phone call.

You think things can’t get much worse, they can.

It was my mum’s friend, she had fallen in our local town. Ambulance was on the way.

What was a food plan for the night went out the window. So I am glad of shakes, I am glad of something.

I will continue these thoughts later when I can.

Parosmia and me moving on

I think the hardest thing to get used to with parosmia is the unpleasant smell. The thing we love about daily life becomes the worst.

Cleaning, cooking, anything.

The worst, you can’t tell what’s what. So there’re some things that you will miss that are pretty dangerous. The smell of burning, gas. Anything that’s off food wise. It all becomes so very different when things kinda all just smell the same.

Yep, and smell the same they do. Everything has this smell, this taste, and it never leaves you.

There are almost no real words to describe what this actually does smell/taste like. Rotten meat? poop… they are about the closest people have been able to say, and for the most part I’d agree. The rotten meat is the worst, the fact everything is rotten is the worst.

So you wake up with it, you smell like it, nasty, horrible. When you’ve a pretty poor impression of yourself as it is, this makes your anxiety 100 times worse. Because I don’t smell nice, I smell horrid. I think everyone can smell the same as me, and that I smell like this.

Go to wash in the shower, and the shampoo, the soap. Makes me feel sick. It’s hard to try to tell the brain that you don’t actually smell like this, that the shampoo and soap are fine, that you don’t stink.

Toothpaste, omg, please. You want to scrub your teeth with rotten meat? Holding your nose kinda helps.

Cooking is a hard no. I haven’t cooked anything in 15 weeks.

Last night my husband asked me to make him a sausage butty. This is the first time I’ve been near the kitchen to do anything, as I said in 15 weeks.

It wasn’t pleasant. But I did it.

One of the things I’ve looking forward to doing in the next few weeks is to try out some new companies I’ve seen advertising. With covid and not as many of us eating out. There’s been a few crop up that supply ready-made and healthy meals.

I’ve got three very different sets of food orders coming in.

One meat, one veggie, and one vegan.

It wasn’t a good start. My delivery this week never came. Though it saddened me, the company were wonderful over the phone, and rescheduled it for this week. Accidents happen and rather than deliver something that was out of safe temperatures, it was destroyed.

Hopefully, there will be no issues this week and I can at least start to write up something more than my plans.

I know I have to take it easy. My whole month of December will be basic re-feeding. Lipotrim have an acceptable plan, and I followed it for 4 weeks’ last time. So it’s gradual. I still have to watch myself and be careful not to rush.

So nice and steady.

For some things I’m taking a more keto approach, with bread and carbs, and I got myself a nice bread maker to test, to make my own things. My first two attempts were interesting. Lol

No pictures 🙂 not yet. Maybe when I get the hang of it, and I’m actually able to eat. For now, it’s okay toasted for my husband with Jam on.

Have a great day all.