19/05/08

I have come to this large conclusion that I am never meant to get over my eating disorder…

I am in fact having to live with it.

This last week or so, becuase i have put weigh on, about a stone since january. I have become more and more depressed with myself.

I am feeling like a failure, and the only thing telling me all this is myself.

In reality, I have achieved so much along the lines of defeating my ed. I am eating healthily and enjoying the odd treat now and then.

But the voice doesnt shut up. Why is this.

Some things here have not gone so well. My mum moved out of her council place and in here, and last week, she got a bill from them for over £1000 just to clean up some of the stuff she didnt do…

I mean come on they sent an inspector round to look at the place and give her a list of jobs that needed doing, and then it was as though just because someone else got to go out and check it, they came up with a load of other jobs… how rude and so expensive… that was only an estimate to, they said the final bill could be higher…..

My mum was heart broken…. Especially after putting so much effort into sorting everything out. To be honest she is really flapping now about getting the extension built and finished. Wondering if she has enough money and all. Come on, we have 30k between us and the estimate is well under that. I just wish she would stop flapping..

I know she is worried about Paul spending money on the pond, and i think she has right to be to. As to be honest that has gotten a little out of hand, and has cost more than I wanted it to, but its a case of we have started so we have to finish it.

Plus spending on the bathroom has also cost well over £1300 which i wasnt planning on either. I am not so sure i can put a new kitchen in, at least untill next year.
This is so crazy….

Money doesnt ast long at all does it when you have to keep on paying out for things.

I tell you this though, i may be feeling a little frumpish, and not my best, but these problems haven’t gotten me as down as they have my mum, i know she got really upset about the bathroom floor, and having to pay Yan to refit the bathroom as the guy we got in was a botch job…

We all learn by our mistakes though, and i can say that for sure, its hard work…

Yan did say though that this week things would seem to pick up, and run smoothly for a while. I do hope they can…

Hope all is well for everyone else.

Dawn xxxx

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