Well I was having a great day yesterday had my friends all with me, and had a good laugh on here, but my dad signed on and seen my msn message telling ed to sod off, and he rang me asking what was up and what was going on, I talked to him for a bit and then hubby came home, and he asked why i was upset, I told him aboutmy dad and he said something I wasnt really listening and then he said about he was prepared for me to have ed for a lot longer than this, and I told him i wanted rid of it for good, then I started crying,

and I cried and cried,

I was still on line and sarah came home tried to talk to me buI couldnt cope, i knew it had to come out but I just couldnt let it, I felt stupid useless and so weak, hubby was there to hold me and he talked to me for over an hour and I love him so much I felt even worse cause he cares,


Stupid ed, stupid me for letting him get to me, and for me thinking for a moment I cant beat him.

hardly ate anything yesterday, or today, but hubby asked me to bake a loaf I have a bread maker and so I did now I know I will eat this, and ed is telling me not to, but you know what i am gonna say sod off, sod off,


will try and keep going will really try,


I cant give in now,

my rant for today,


love and hugs all





I was ok, I ate some tea, and then I went outside to put the motorbike away,

I slipped and it went over taking me with it,  the handle bars hitting me in the face,  I shouted for paul n all he did was shout at me, I was so upset didnt ask if I was ok, just about the bike,

Stupid, hubby, so I sulked all night, and didnt tell him I loved him before I went to sleep and I do always tell him. So this morning he apologised and seen the bruise on my face, hope he felt guilty.

was an accident god I dropped my little bike twice, only could pick that up just and he dropped his big ones loads of times, caused 20000 woth of damage once,

I had bad dreams all night, looking for lightning wanting some comfort, he was there, doesnt come very often now, but he was there and I was taken somewhere safe, away from the bad dreams,

anyway, one good thing yesterday I got a text message from a girl in work a new girl she is nice, and we have talked about a lot of things, she asked me how I was and hoped I was ok, I was made up, then this morning she text me as she os off on hol next week she asked if she didnt go away could we do something for the day awwwww I nearly cried,

Will catch you all soon, love ya hugs,