16/08/04

16/08/200418:38

Went ok, he was nice, (wasnt my normal doc) so I just told him what the other one had said that I could have some more time off if need be and to increase my dosage to try and improve things a little more,

I was still very nervous and my hubby came in with me and held my hand, (Plus you were all with me in spirit too)

 

Most stupidly I went into work to hand my sick note in and my boss quizzed me because it said on my sick not I was off for stress related illness, I then had to tell him I hadnt been eating for about three months and was about to keel over on the floor, (I know there is a lot of other problems underneath as well) but I didnt want to tell him everything, or about the stuff with my nan so I just told him I was back on anti depresants and had been refered back to the hospital then I kind of left quickly as he didnt look too happy.

 

Oh well is not my fault I have to sort me out, there are others in the factory that have loads of time off not just me, so tough.

 

Anyway, I mowed the lawn today, and helped hubby weed the garden, I am taking my neighbours kitten to the vets later and then Paul and I are going out to the pictures to see I robot, with will smith, then having some tea,

Be nice to spoil us for a change.

 

Thankyou so much for all you kind replie and I will speak to you soon

 

Love you alll

Dawn

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16/08/04

 

Hi everyone, took nan to hospital today, for chat with surgeon, didnt end up as chat,

He did ultra sound and was very concerned as both her kidneys were nearly blocked, he needed to do blood tests, and then wanted her to go for a ct scan as well.

everyone in the place was going mad as she was getting pushed to the front of all the cues in the end I lost it with one woman ans said well maybe my nan has a little somethign you dont have,

She has to go back wed for results of tests done, if kidneys are too bad then they have to drain them before they can do a biopsy next week, with camera in as well to see extent of growth, they know something is there, just not what.

 

I was so scared today for her, and so scared watching my mum with her, my mum worrying over me to and I feel so stupid, so pathetic for being stuck within my own silly world.

 

Like I dont matter like ed is just so F****** stupid ed.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I HATE YOU

 

AND I DO NOT  HATE ME ANYMORE I AM WORTH MORE THAN THIS.

And I love everyone here so much