AND YEAH it’s raining…..

Just about right aint it.

In work we find the weather will scorch us, and then as soon as the weekend comes, and you want to do something nice, out comes the clouds and the rain…

Had a busy ish morning, my friends mum isn’t so good so have been trying to get her registered with a doctor, managed to get a polish one too which is great.

Am not up to much tonight, will be sitting back, watching a dvd and sipping some nice wine.

He he, my neighbours brought over a lovely bottle for our anniversary which is on thurs, but I going to open it later, seeing as I am on me own, Paul wont drink wine anyway..

Had a great weekend though, went into the club on here for the first time, and apart from the usual old men pinching my arse, managed to dance the night away with my friends and really enjoyed it.
We are thinking about going on a camping trip but its hard to find somewhere that is going to be quiet and without too many kids.

Adults only going, and am not sure what will happen but I sooo want to get out and have some fun, been so unsure of everything lately, and of myself, but I know I deserve a good time.

I don’t want to get in trouble, and wont ever hurt my husband but I just fancy going away on my own with out him. Am I wrong?

Anyways talk to some of you later.

Dawn xx

Wow it goes quick when you are having fun.

Had the girls round on Friday for a lot of fun, didn’t get to sleep till 330 sat, then was up at 7 shopping.
Into town in the night time and didn’t stop till 330 again, omg,

Now this week has passed so quickly and we start again tomorrow.

What am I going to do lol?

Am on holiday next week too.

Yeah…

Then Paul goes away for a week, YEAH…

Party party party. lol….

Love Dawn
xx

What an Easter Sunday we had,

Went to the lakes, for a ride with Southport Cruisers, and it was amazing, part from nearly coming a cropper on a hill the size of a mountain, our bike decided to run out of petrol half way up and so we nearly came off, lucky we didn’t was a hell of a drop. Hurt my ankle a bit again, so it’s sore now.

The day was great sun was shining and the gang were great, a few mishaps but when you get so many people in such a short space, its bound to happen.

I am a little sore today, was supposed to go visit my mum and my friend Kate, but there was no way I could get on a bike today, lol.

Anyways, didn’t get out of bed till 12 30, and then went back at 230, have had something nice to eat, and will be off back to bed shortly.

Hope you all are having a great Easter.

Catch ya soon

Dawn
xx

So today has been hectic,

I got up had a shower hoping Marjenka would be able to colour my hair again, as I don’t like it.

Picked Monika up at her house and went to the car boot sale, where I am sure we bought most of it.

Can you believe it took us 3 hours to get round, and when we left it was so close to getting to the church on time with their baskets of food.

I am not catholic, but it was really nice to be part of their polish/catholic tradition.

When we left the church, we went in to town to get a few bits and headed back to her house, it was gone 3, I hadn’t eaten at all by this time and was beginning to feel sick, but she made us a sandwich, which I ate, but then she took some photos, and I really did not look good in them, it was just the way I was sitting I am sure, and apart from that, Monika is only tiny and her friend Anna is even smaller.

I just looked like a giant Whale…

I really need to stop thinking like this, but I am just not happy, I really am not, I don’t know what to do, I am really trying to eat, but I just can’t bring myself to do it, when facing it.

It is making it even harder to shift any weight, as my body is going into conserve mode, and I am sooo sick of it. I am planning just a chilled out night with hubby, I don’t want to do anything now, am exhausted.
Imagine trying to run a car, on the blood for a few months, it doesn’t work does it.

Sooner or later I am going to conk out.

My blood pressure is up the wall, I am beginning to feel light headed especially in the evening.

I want it to go away, really I do, but it’s inside telling me I need it there…

Anyways, I really enjoyed today, and am now off to rest.

Love Dawn
xx

So today, I am really upset,
I rang to cancel my appointment with the mental health team and she persuaded me to go and see them at least for the assessment,

I just don’t know, anymore, I want to get better I do, but I don’t think they can help me.

I need someone who can deal with my eating issues, and not to try and blame it on the past yeah I had a shit life, and was abused in more ways than one, but I have been over and over that, and dealt with it.

I need help with the food thing. I wish I didn’t have to eat everyday, I wish I didn’t have to face it.

Talking to Andy this morning a little bit about it and I was so close to tears, I really had to fight to stay in control, I just don’t know anything.

Yesterday, I ate a yogurt came home and then made our tea. It was only a stew with no meat, and when I gave myself some I couldn’t even eat the veg.

This is getting out of hand, and I so want it to just go away.

I am trying my best to be the person I am inside, but I have feelings there I didn’t know existed until a few weeks ago, and my friends encouraging me to try them out, I just don’t know….

Paul is away in a few weeks for a fishing trip and I am going out with Sian on the wed and staying with my friends in Southport on the Thursday, she is taking me to a gay bar. Am I pretty enough to pick up another woman….

Would anyone ever want to be with me, WHY is my husband with me???

I am just not worth it. These thoughts go through my head everyday, and I hate it.
I hate facing food, I hate being the person that can’t deal with social things.

I want to be liked, I want to feel affection but when I am I don’t believe it.

There is a young lad in work, he is 19 and he is trying his hardest to get me to go out with him. Yeah I like the attention from him, am I bad for that, but my head is sooo telling me it’s just a joke.

I am going to watch the TV, have a drink and try and sort this head out?

Anyone any ideas?

Dawn xx