05/04/07

So today, I am really upset,
I rang to cancel my appointment with the mental health team and she persuaded me to go and see them at least for the assessment,

I just don’t know, anymore, I want to get better I do, but I don’t think they can help me.

I need someone who can deal with my eating issues, and not to try and blame it on the past yeah I had a shit life, and was abused in more ways than one, but I have been over and over that, and dealt with it.

I need help with the food thing. I wish I didn’t have to eat everyday, I wish I didn’t have to face it.

Talking to Andy this morning a little bit about it and I was so close to tears, I really had to fight to stay in control, I just don’t know anything.

Yesterday, I ate a yogurt came home and then made our tea. It was only a stew with no meat, and when I gave myself some I couldn’t even eat the veg.

This is getting out of hand, and I so want it to just go away.

I am trying my best to be the person I am inside, but I have feelings there I didn’t know existed until a few weeks ago, and my friends encouraging me to try them out, I just don’t know….

Paul is away in a few weeks for a fishing trip and I am going out with Sian on the wed and staying with my friends in Southport on the Thursday, she is taking me to a gay bar. Am I pretty enough to pick up another woman….

Would anyone ever want to be with me, WHY is my husband with me???

I am just not worth it. These thoughts go through my head everyday, and I hate it.
I hate facing food, I hate being the person that can’t deal with social things.

I want to be liked, I want to feel affection but when I am I don’t believe it.

There is a young lad in work, he is 19 and he is trying his hardest to get me to go out with him. Yeah I like the attention from him, am I bad for that, but my head is sooo telling me it’s just a joke.

I am going to watch the TV, have a drink and try and sort this head out?

Anyone any ideas?

Dawn xx

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