I’ll explain why.
Just been to visit the doctors, routine as usual.But I had the nasty surprise of the nurse saying I needed to lose weight…. she didn’t even weigh me. But my blood pressure is up, borderline as she called it. 120 over 88… I’ve never been more than 110 over 60-70 before, and I always put that down to bad eating habits.
So I’m sot of stuck in a rock and a hard place… After chatting to mum on the way home from work about weight and stuff. After all I was really good with food and excersise after the Xmas hols and in 3 weeks I only lost a pound and a half… I would have to cut everything out for nearly twelve months to lose the amount of weight my nurse is asking of me.
NO WAY! I have to say this because I know what that will do to me. I could lose the weight in a few months, done it before, wouldn’ t be hard to let those inner thoughts take fore-front of my mind once more. Would it be easier, no, would I be healthier, no. I would still fit into the bracket of ‘over-weight’
I suffered with my eating disorder for 16 years. I went from over 20 stone to just 10 and in 2 years. For my over seas friends, that is 280lb to 140lb and for the most part stayed around 12 stone for many years. Which was classed as bad… I virtually didn’t eat for months to get it to the ‘healthy’ range… wasn’t so healthy when all my hair started to fall out, I couldn’t keep my concentration levels up, or I’d fall asleep at work…
I know I am a rounder person now, I don’t mind telling anyone I am 14 stone now. But, I am never going back there.
More swimming to get a little fitter and I might cut some more booze out. But the food… nope its staying. I am not changing it, I am not restricting. I can’t. The fear of going backwards is too much.
Other fab news, casting call has just gone out for the short script I’ve been working on. So excited to see this come together. I will post more as soon as I can… YEY!!!