Im a little tired and fed up of being fed up,
I know it sounds crazy but when you are real low all the time, you do get tired of it.
I haven’t had an easy few days, my nan wasn’t well when we got there, and insisted she would be ok until the doc would come out and see her on the Monday, anyways I wasn’t convinced, so spoke twice to my mum and in the end mum took the day off to be with her, as she never tells the whole story to the doc when he does turn up,
I set off on my travels to Manchester, and boy it was freezing, more so than today, and my little feet couldn’t go any quicker than they did, I think I virtually ran to the hospital.
Wow, anyways, I was as honest as I could have been, I told, Cath, and Susan that I had had a rough few days, and what I had done, it wasn’t nice but they asked to see my wound, and I think were a bit shocked, I should have gone to a and e, but no way, anyhow it was healing ok, by Monday. I went through with them and then had a good talk with the dietician, about my meal plan, and the feelings that I am getting huge, are still there even though I know the evidence (i.e. am still losing weight) is in black and white. The hospital scales have to be spot on, as some of the girls there weigh a lot lot less than me, for them their weight is dangerously low.
Anyhow, the day went ok, I rang my mum, and nan had to be sent to hospital, after all my trying to get her there the doc rushed her in anyways, silly old bat, she is just like me stubborn.
So I haven’t been great, I have felt a lot better, and, I know I have a long way to go.
I had a talk with Paul last night about the self harm and he has agreed if I tell him how I am feeling about it then he will help distract me, i.e. go for a drive or a walk, obviously depending on the weather.
Been to the hospital to visit my Nan this morning, and she is doing a bit better, she hopes to come out tomorrow, but we shall see.
And now am sat at home chilling, done some writing yesterday and now got to type it up.
Take care all. Dawn xx