So last night I went out to my friend Beata’s birthday party, yes there was food there, and I did ok, I had a little to eat, and didn’t make a huge thing about it.

Polish food is great though, they make so many good things from scratch, like your mum used to, and its really good food.

I wouldn’t know what to call the things but they were just nice.

John and Beata didn’t want us to leave, but at 1am I was tired and hadn’t had a drink, because I was driving, so it was a little weird as everyone else is drunk you know, you’re not on the same wave length are you.

Oh well, it was good to get out for a bit, so now am sat in my pyjamas and waiting to pack my stuff for the hospital tomorrow, I don’t want to go, but I know I have a lot to sort out.

Take care my friends.

Dawn xx

Yeah so this is a little awkward to write,

I am stuck now in the middle of a big war, a war in my head.

I don’t know who is going to win it, but I know I am not giving in.

I want so much to be happy, I want so much to be free,

I want the life I should have, and not this inner pain….

Yesterday wasn’t so bad, I am finding it easier as I get to know everyone in day care, so that is good. They are all so nice, and I know it is just as hard for them as it is for me. At least by me being open and honest, it might help them.

I am following my plan although it really is beginning to make me freak out about weight gain, although I know its so stupid I cant help but worry over everything I put in my mouth, and I am so tempted to not do it.

I have managed to do a little bit of writing, which means my concentration is slowly getting there, but it’s not what I should be doing. Really it should be finished and back in New York, grrr, but I can’t be angry with myself too much. That wouldn’t help me.

I have had a lot of support off my family about everything, and my mum is sooo sweet, lol, she sent me a text yesterday asking how her baby was. Lol soft woman,

Anyways, Paul is wonderful, he asks how I am all the time, and is always trying to help me with my food. Which is so hard but I know I need it.

It is my medicine and I need it to get better.

Am a little tired today, but only as I didn’t sleep much over the last week or so, I am feeling a little more positive, but the fight is really only just beginning, and I know I have a long way to go.

Keep smiling everyone; love to you all

Dawn xxx