10/11/07

 

Friday,

ummm well wasn’t as good a day as I knew it wouldn’t be, I was literally exhausted and I ended up cutting again.

I feel so useless, and I can’t seem to fight this much longer, eating is just horrible, and I really need to sort it out but I can’t seem to.

Im going to have to talk to them on Monday and try and work this through, I knew it would be hard but I didn’t think it would be this bad.

I don’t want anyone to know that it is so hard, but I cant do it on my own, but how can I talk to people, how can I say I feel so bad, that I take a razor to my leg. Oh my god I can’t….

This isn’t how I want my life to be, this isn’t how anyone’s life should be.

There are people out there who are suffering with illnesses they can’t cure, and I suffer with the most pathetic thing in the world, a fear of food.

I don’t understand it, so how can anyone else…

jeeze, I am taking part in a study on Monday, with a lovely lady I met on Thursday, she is studying the effects of eating disorders and how places like Cheadle Royal help.

Well I hope me talking about everything will at least let others into how the mind works. Its one crazy thing.

Writing and letting go of feelings helps, so I will keep on plodding on, letting things out.

Dawn

keep safe all of you

Xx

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