Well not felt too good today think them pills are having a great effect on my moods, have been ok, havent eaten much, 1 tin tuna and a cup of soup, but hey, am going to try later on…

My friends have done nothing but talk about next friday, what to wear and whats going to be going on..

As far as I know, they are showing five short films, and ours is one of them, there will be lots of newspaper people and loads of people from the filming business so should be great for making myself known, but that means talking to people face to face, and I dont much like that.

Besides what am i going to wear, i think i need a bag ova my head as I just aint feeling right about myself at the moment….

I need a shopping spree but i dont think that will help as I think i will just feel even worse when I see something i like and it wont fit….
I am sure i will be ok but i really need a good kick up the bum…

D
xx

Just getting used to one of me mates not being around in work anymore, and at 3 oclock they sacked another guy…

So been a bit of a shock really…. came home and am thinking about having a real good night, sitting chilling out…

He he, asked my bud Sian to come shopping with me on sat and she is busy, so now have to find an outfit for the 20th and no one to go with, I hate shopping at the best of times, makes you feel so awful.
I wish I could fit into so much stuff, but at the moment it aint possible, I feel so bad about it, am doing really well in trying to lose a bit of weight, not wanting my ed get in the way, but it is so hard when I know all I have to do is not eat for a few weeks, and I will lose all i want.

Not good….

Anyways, 2 weeks to go and I will be so happy when its over. Am really excited, but then am a bit nervous too. lol

Anyone about wanting to chat let me know. wont be around for too long…

xx

Well last night was a big let down, I spent all afternoon preparing and cooking our meal, hubby came home and his friend John turned up on time, but my friends got stuck in southport and couldnt get a taxi, and by the time they turned up at gone 8, Paul and his mate had eaten and gone..

I didnt have any as it was too late for me and I was upset.

Anyway, they had some fun laughing at some of my pics, even though Sylvia couldnt understand my film lost innocence, she watched it and said it was good ‘YEY’

I think these tablets the doc put me on to make me sleep are having a weird effect on me though, I have an awful headace, and just want to curl up and go sleep… anyway.. I did I came home from work at 12 and went to bed, lol, paul was fishing so I had the space and time, to get some well earned kip.

Tonight, am just going to open a bottle of wine, and chill out….

D
xx 

Well what a laugh today was, work is soooo boring, and there is one guy thats been doing me head in all day, why oh why…

lol, anyways am having my polish girlie friends over for dinner and drinks tonight so that should be great fun, am looking forward to it, they came here and cooked for me last time, lol in my own home, it was a bit strange watching someone else cook in your kitchen but the dish they made was amazing, shame I had drunk too much vodka to appreciate it too much, but there was loads for the next day lol.

Anyways, I ran out of something i need, so just popping the shop, catch you in a bit, love to you all.

Ps any new friends out there fancy chatting.

Dawn

So today has been ok, have done lots of hard work, umm and oh yeah, went to the doctors too, and got some more pills for my acid stomach, we had a good chat about how I was feeling, as she is really nice and always asks about everything… I told her about my not sleeping and that I was having nightmares because of the images that were in the link that girls sent me, and she asked me to explain how and why I was feeling like that.

I tried to explain that it didnt matter how I looked on the outside that I could still see that 20 stone woman looking back at me, I told her that at the moment, I am feeling so bad about it that I am really thinking about turning back to ed, and that means letting him win, and I was doing so well.

She wanted to give me time off work but that wouldnt help, so I will go back and see her again in two weeks… I am hoping things will have settle down by then, and maybe I will be feeling a bit better.

I really wish that I could see the person everyone says that I am but I just dont. I hate the fact that this really is ruining my life…

Dont worry I aint going to give up I have been much worse than this.

D