So today has been ok, have done lots of hard work, umm and oh yeah, went to the doctors too, and got some more pills for my acid stomach, we had a good chat about how I was feeling, as she is really nice and always asks about everything… I told her about my not sleeping and that I was having nightmares because of the images that were in the link that girls sent me, and she asked me to explain how and why I was feeling like that.

I tried to explain that it didnt matter how I looked on the outside that I could still see that 20 stone woman looking back at me, I told her that at the moment, I am feeling so bad about it that I am really thinking about turning back to ed, and that means letting him win, and I was doing so well.

She wanted to give me time off work but that wouldnt help, so I will go back and see her again in two weeks… I am hoping things will have settle down by then, and maybe I will be feeling a bit better.

I really wish that I could see the person everyone says that I am but I just dont. I hate the fact that this really is ruining my life…

Dont worry I aint going to give up I have been much worse than this.

D