2^nd October

Well today was looking to be rather boring, but of course when you work with such beautiful and amazing girls, then it cant be boring can it. I have been getting texts off a lady called sylvia who is a friend of Kate’s (My second best bud) and they have been in polish, so I have had a laugh trying to translate them and then of course reply back in polish, which isnt too easy. Yeah I have lots of books and can understand a lot of spoken polish but not via text so its been funny.

There has been a new guy start today and both Monika and kate, have been quizzing me about him like as if I know, so I asked the supervisor about him and it was funny as he didnt even know anything.

Its also been sad, as my mate Mark is leaving, and it definatly wont be the same without him.

He is a fellow film maker and he has been a great help in everything I have done. I am hoping he will stay in touch but you never know…

Anyways I am off out in a bit to my polish friends for coffee. Sylvia has been texting me about it all day so wouldnt want to dissapoint her, and anyways hubby goes out on mondays so so will I?

Catch you all later xxx

Later

Well decided not to go out tonight, as I have had a rough day ed wise, and if I aint had a good day then hubby says its not good for me to go running round.

The thing thats pissing me off is that a friend of mine sent me a link to a site, to try and help me recover and it was a link to a pro anna site and it didnt help at all, I spent all afternoon looking at those stupid pictures of really skinny women and I just felt awful. I know I aint ever going to be that skinny, but it doesnt stop the ed feeding off the pictures and making me want to try…..

Stupid Stupid woman….

I am really angry with my friend and when I told her so, all she did was then further damage our friendship by showing all my posts and the site to her fiance who doesnt have a clue what is triggering or not, and the mails were private anyway.

He now says that I was looking for someone to blame for me feeling bad, and that I am in the wrong…..

I am just so pissed off with her and myself for letting it get to me..

Am I so bad that I dont deserve to be happy and to feel good about everything I am doing and to be happy with me.

I seem to do so well, nearly 11 mths Ive been in recovery and now I am back to square one.

I am so depressed about it……