18/06/04

Hi everyone,

Just a quick note as I won’t get on tomorrow or maybe even Sunday.

Hope everything goes ok but will let you know as soon as possible. Paul and I had a bit of a heart to heart over the whole coach business and we now know our game plan if things go wrong.

Regarding the dress that didn’t fit, well after my body wrap today, and with the weight I lost (Not a good thing) I lost 1 and a half inches from the wrap, the dress fits. And I will post some pics when I can for you to see.

I will have to take it easy tonight though, no drinking and no great big tea, I am staying in my dads and his girlfriend is a professional chef. Then tomorrow I am having my hair done and going to work for four hours, then its the do, I will also be working on Sunday as they are so desperate, so I will catch you Monday.

Take care everyone, and will speak to you soon.

Love and hugs Dawn

12/06/04

Hi guys,

Thanks so much for that. I feel much better today, even though I have worked so hard. Paul picked a load of car boot stuff up off one of his friends yesterday and I was up at five this morning yet again, but this time I had to go with him on the bike and help him to unpack, (Couldn’t leave him to do it on his own as there is too many vultures around) Then at 730 I left to go to work myself and worked till twelve, then went back to find him. I can’t believe he did so well. He sold £70 worth of stuff and he only paid £35 for it. There’s loads left so he’s going to have another one in two weeks. (After the wedding)

I do kind of let things get to me especially over my brother and mum, he’s always been the blue eyed boy, and it wasn’t until I actually showed my mum 6 years ago what he was like really that she decided to take no more off him. This time with the wedding I can understand, but my brother has a daughter Megan and my mum gets the rough end of the stick over her now.   Sometimes I feel so sorry for my mum as he only rings her to mind megan when no one else will and my mums expected to drop everything and mind her, sometimes she does sometimes she can’t as plans sometimes can’t be candled.

I love the letter idea, I used to do things like that but haven’t had chance lately. I keep a journal and normally write it all in there, but seem to come on here more often than write in that. Maybe I should print everything off and put in my journal then I can keep them.

Who did you send your letter to; I hope it didn’t upset everything too much.

Anyway thanks for thinking of me and I hope you are feeling ok too, take care and maybe we’ll catch up soon.

Love and hugs Dawn

11/06/04

Hi everyone,

Not doing too good with food this week, can’t seem to understand why although I feel my brothers wedding next week might have something to do with it, haven’t eaten much at all and still been swimming each morning, feel really great though, like I am ok, but now I sit here I don’t feel ok, just so wish that this ed would just go away, I wish that I could be happy with the way I was, wish I could feel fine with my shape, but I don’t I hate it, I hate everything about me at the moment.

Can’t stand anyone or anything to be near me, even been a bit snappy with Paul this week and that’s not like me, I put it down to the hot weather and just me being tired, but I am tired so tired of this constant battle to keep on eating. Pretending that everything is ok and normal when inside I wish I could tear everything up and throw it away.

I am in work tomorrow and I don’t want to go, overtime, but I need the money to pay for everything next week with this stupid wedding, I wish I didn’t have to go. Just wish I had said no cant make it, it would be so much easier.

My brother is such a big guy, has to have everything his own way, even got my mum to cancel their holiday plans as they changed the wedding date once again. He’s such a pain in the behind. The worst thing is I just feel like they are using us.

I rang him the other day and there was no one in so I left a message asking to ring me back, he never did, I just hope he realises, if things don’t go to plan when Paul drives the coach up to the reception, they’ll all be getting left there and we’ll be coming home.

Sorry to go on a bit, just so fed up with everything.

Take care speak to you soon.

Dawn

01/06/04

Circles

Going round in circles, I seem to be, instead of being free.
Round and around, I go on this merry go round.

Merry ! go round ! pah,

Nothing merry about this, who would call this bliss!

This inner hate,
I should leave nothing to fate,
I have to make a stand, so let’s not be grand.

Hating me, I’ll never be free,

Round and around
This Merry go round…

Friends care

No matter what you’re going through,
Remember I’ll be there,
To comfort, and to hold you: just because I care.

Friendships last a life time and good ones hard to find
Reached out across this land a future we will find.

Written for Sarah Stancer.

Dawn Chapman. July 2004.



By kanundra Posted in poem

01/06/04

Thanks guys,

Calmed down a bit today, thank god, I was so mad yesterday felt like I was going to blow up. Anyway Paul has been to see her today and had a good chat to her, telling her how mad I was yesterday.

Was just as mad with my brother though. Today has been a lot better though hard in work. My friend at  work, the alcoholic didn’t turn in again and it was only a week ago that he was off for a full week on a binge. Work wont put up with it for much longer, think he may lose his job this time, but there is just no helping him, even I know we all need to admit we have a problem and do our best to get help, he’s just not interested.

Anyway I hope everything is ok for you to, take care and we’ll speak soon.

Dawn.