11/06/04

Hi everyone,

Not doing too good with food this week, can’t seem to understand why although I feel my brothers wedding next week might have something to do with it, haven’t eaten much at all and still been swimming each morning, feel really great though, like I am ok, but now I sit here I don’t feel ok, just so wish that this ed would just go away, I wish that I could be happy with the way I was, wish I could feel fine with my shape, but I don’t I hate it, I hate everything about me at the moment.

Can’t stand anyone or anything to be near me, even been a bit snappy with Paul this week and that’s not like me, I put it down to the hot weather and just me being tired, but I am tired so tired of this constant battle to keep on eating. Pretending that everything is ok and normal when inside I wish I could tear everything up and throw it away.

I am in work tomorrow and I don’t want to go, overtime, but I need the money to pay for everything next week with this stupid wedding, I wish I didn’t have to go. Just wish I had said no cant make it, it would be so much easier.

My brother is such a big guy, has to have everything his own way, even got my mum to cancel their holiday plans as they changed the wedding date once again. He’s such a pain in the behind. The worst thing is I just feel like they are using us.

I rang him the other day and there was no one in so I left a message asking to ring me back, he never did, I just hope he realises, if things don’t go to plan when Paul drives the coach up to the reception, they’ll all be getting left there and we’ll be coming home.

Sorry to go on a bit, just so fed up with everything.

Take care speak to you soon.

Dawn

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