18:43

Friends, dont read, I hate this but had to get it out,

Its so hard for me to be honest to talk about what I am feeling,

I try to hide everything and inside I feel like dying, like hiding forever, and not coming back, I love everyone here, and some have helped me in more ways that one, and I just dont know how I can keep going,

I feel I am getting bigger and BIGGER, and I cant get my head around it, I cant stand it and I am falling over the place.

I cant go on like this, I am going to spain in five weeks and I dont want to go like this, as I know with the weather and the place, I will put on more, This is hurting me so so much and I am LOST.

I want to not eat and I want to be sick when I do, I am so mad and angry inside at me, and I hate who I am, I dont see anything good about me, and I cant ever see me seeing it neither, things havent really improved at home, money is still so tight, and no matter what I do I cant get round it, at this rate we are going to be going away with nothing to spend, and I am crying over it, I think I would sooner not go, but I know I need a break from everything, to spend some time with Paul and to relax, I feel so on the edge all the time,

We went for a drink last night, and came home at ten, I had a few too many on an empty stomach and was drunk, this morning I felt awful but Paul also said some things that hurt me about my friends, and I was upset by that, went to sleep with out a good night kiss, and that hurt too.

As a person I am growing and he cant see that, my friends count for me growing in ways he couldnt even dream of. and I will never forget or leave my friends.

But something is going to have to give, and I think it may be the internet yet again, I dont like him threatning to cut it off, i would sooner do it myself, now, and then he cant keep going on about it,

I think this is really long and I would rather not post it, but I will.

I am struggling right now, I dont see the light anymore at the end of the tunnel and I cant see a way out, apart from turning to ed, and I dont want that, I want to be better, but I want to be AHHHHHHHHHHH,

I want to scream so much and cry and yell and tell everyone, HOW MUCH THIS IS KILLING ME.

I feel so so bad, so much hatred inside, I gotta go,

Love Dawn

xxxxxx

11:44

You may think you are wining by making me feel so bad,

By making me feel useless, and so down,

But you know I will fight back and wont ever give into you

You are making things very difficult for me at the moment, and I am getting scared, as I dont want you back in my life but you are comforting,

I dont want you around so tonight, is the last night, you hava hold on me again.

Tomorrow I will start a fresh and say good bye once more, you cant hang around forever, I DO NOT WANT YOU,

YOU WILL NOT WIN
YOU WILL NOT

Dawn

xxxx

I am so FED up of this crap, so fed up of the way ed makes me feel,

I have been ill all weekend started as a cold, and then went to a stomach cold, and grrr, ed is right in there now, making me feel worse, as I have hardly eaten and its doing me in,

I am so annoyed at me for listening to him and wanting him to help me, I want and dont want it, I know its so wrong and I hate me for feeling so bad,

Been crying most of the day and I am scared, scared to talk to people scared to let anyone in to how I am feeling right now,

WHICH is so so so so so bad, I want so much to hurt me in more ways than I could think of, yet, I dont want to hurt anyone else, and I cant do it,

I am giving in, I cant fight much longer, I am growing weaker and I cant stop him from winning,

Just to say

Things can only look up when you are on the bottom,

Things may seem so dark but there is light up there,

For each of us fighting, I know we are on our way,

Pushing on upwards, forwards, never giving in,

I know we all have problems

I know we all are busy,

Lets take some time this week to spend on us, a bit of time to keep us relaxed,

Even if its five mins in the garden, five minutes with our eyes shut not listening to ed at all,

I know its hard I know its really hard, to turn the tide and win,

Here we will never give up,

Here is a place to come and be free, be us,

Love you all loads,

Dawn

Xxxx

I just wanted to say

(((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hope everything is ok, and wanted to say how much I have missed you, I apreciate everything you have done here, and always will do, you have a very special place in my heart,

1 that will never be forgotton,

2 be cherished forever

3 that will be repaid

You are truly the most amazing and beautiful person I have ever met, and its hard to come by people nowadays that have sacrificed as much as you have for others,

You really are an angel, and I hold want you to know, that,

Every member you have here has reached out over the internet and come to this site, spoken about some very painful and emotional issues, and most have been helped in some ways by the healing and support they have been given here,

Especially ME.

I love you, and am keeping you in my thoughts, love always, and sending more hugs, as I feel you still need them right now,

Dawn

Xxxx