21/11/07

This has been written about before but I don’t know how much I have said. So here it is me from the beginning,

As time began in the small world of new born Dawn Lloyd.

Born on13th December 1977, in Southport hospital, it was a Tuesday, and my mum had an early labour, I was premature, and not due till the following year,

I am sure as  baby I was a pain in the butt, as my nan said, at first I mixed my nights and days up and caused major hassle, lol.

My first early memories, aren’t good ones, as a youngster I started preschool, and met a girl who hated me, and yet then called me her best friend.

One late night after being fast asleep, I am woken by harsh screaming, very harsh screaming.

My mum…. what’s going on, she is in agony she is frightened and screaming so hard.  I am suddenly very scared and don’t know what to do, should I get out of bed, and go see.

What if I see something I shouldn’t?

I crept out of bed, and peered through the door, my brother was also up and being much younger than me was crying, my dad was trying to keep him out of the way.

I go to my dad, and ask what’s wrong? I am then pushed away. The sound of the front door goes, and my mum’s friend Christine comes in rushing to see to my mum.

I then see my mum banging her head against the wall, still screaming.

My dad pushes me in my room and shuts the door, inside I am alone and very scared.

My mums voice louder and louder. Banging and shouting going on.

I can’t do anything; I can’t get out of my room.

I go to my bed where my favourite dog is sitting, and I climb in and cuddle him and begin to cry myself.

There are loud sirens and bright lights and more sounds as, I hear people rushing up the stairs.

I eventually get to open the door again, and peek out side. My mum is being taken away, by two men in green suits.

I see my brother screaming and my dad holding him. But no one is with me.

I do not know what has happened to my mum, she has gone, and I don’t get to see her again for weeks.

I suppose my dad does what he can he tries to look after us both and work as well, but me and my brother were passed from pillar to post. Neighbour to neighbour, and my mum is not around.

I now know that my mum suffered from an anti cerebral brain haemorrhage, she was rushed to theatre and operated on, then she was kept in for two weeks, where she then had to have another operation as she had another.

In total she was in hospital for about 9 weeks, and then stayed with my auntie to convalesce.

I always remember the weather was hot, and the nice people me and bro stayed with, always gave us plenty of ice cream.

I think for me my next major ordeal was then going to primary school. and getting used to all the other kids there. It was weird at first, as it is for all kids.

My mum and dad as they used to work for my granddad used to drop us off at Christine’s so she could then take us and her own children to school.

I used to love going there, they had loads of pets, and lived by a wood which we could cross the bridge and go and play in, obviously supervised by her older son Michael.

Michael was of course a nasty child, a bully, and even though I adored him, he hated me, and nothing I could do would make him smile.

From then on I got used to being punched most days, and I suppose that’s where my brother then got the idea from, as he started to begin the same.

We were always fighting.  Of course as I was oldest, I used to get the blame, and Chris knew it. So of course played on it.

I then had an eye test, and was told I needed glasses; I went to the dentist and had to have a brace.

My brace I could take out at night, and my glasses I had to wear all the time. Those first pair of glasses got left everywhere on purpose, and I really hated them.

Hello Four Eyes.

I got called loads of names, and my brother started most of them.

I am trying to write something serious here, and my friend, (he knows who he is, is making me giggle toooooo much)

My mum and dad, decided to start their own business, and they bought it off some good friends, The business, was to compliment my granddads, and they went into fruit and veg trade, to local hotels and schools, in Southport.

They had about 6 people working for them and as a child I liked them all. I was learning about lots of new things, and I was happy.

My next door neighbours were great, and as a family we would go for day trips with them at weekends, and I would spend loads of time with them.

Rose and Ian became a big part of my life, and then Ian was taken away.

He was a motorcycle rider, and after a bad accident he lost his life.

I was devastated.

My mum and dad said I was too young to go to his funeral, and I wasn’t allowed, my heart had been broken, I used to think of Ian as my second dad. I loved him.

Now he had gone.

Things were getting much worse at school, I was a big kid, podgy and everyone used to laugh at me when we went swimming.

At dinner times, we used to sit at a table of 8 kids, the two oldest kids used to get to give out the dinners.

My two old kids were my worst nightmare.

Everything that they didn’t like. Fatty Dawn would have to eat it all.

Our teachers had gotten wise to some of the kids sneaking food they didn’t like out of the canteen and every table was supervised by the head kids.

My dinners were becoming not only hurtful but unbearable. I was being forced to eat, not only my own dinner, and maybe something I didn’t like, but other kids to.

I remember one particular day; I had to eat 8 hot dog sausages and buns, as no one else liked them.

I was stuffed felt sick and then I hated myself even more for not telling someone.

But of course, I was being told, if I told a teacher, I would be beaten up, I got a few bruises, just for thinking it.

It wasn’t till my friend told my mum what was going on that things got worse.

My mum wiped the floor with all the teachers at the school and all the dinner ladies, I had never ever seen her as mad as she was. It was frightening.

Then of course, the way the dinners were given out had to change, and I got the blame for all of it,

I was bullied even more, and the other kids, never got over it.

My weight which had gone up considerably, because of all the food became a big thing to point out, and they loved calling me fat and ugly.

Am still laughing ((((((((LES)))))))

My mum decided to try and help me lose some of the excess weight, and so my yo yo life style began.

My weight even at primary school became a huge issue. No clothes would ever fit me, and I had begun to hate everything about myself.

I had to have my dinners specially made be the dinner ladies, and I went on a sponsored diet to raise money for a local charity. I did do really well, but then the weight soon went back on.

I was never meant to be thin. My body just didn’t like it.

It was never meant to be!!!!

My weight when I first went to high school was 11st. I was just over 11 years of age, and I remember being weighed by the school nurse.

‘We shall have to do something about this’ she had said.

GRRRRRR….. Leave me alone, please……

To be continued…..

Dawn xx

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