Just wanted to post something positive in amongst all the sadness here,

I feel all your pain and I so wish I could take it and ed away, just dont give in, ever. I am not, none of us should.

Fight

We all must keep on fighting,

Together, forever, even if two steps forward, means one back

This feeling of flight, will go away.

But us here will stay, to encourage each other, to draw streangth.

to draw hope, and love, from all

Keep your heads up, reach out to each other, and never give in,

NEVER GIVE IN

We are all worth more, we all deserve happiness, and love, and friends.

We all, need love and friends and happiness,

We don’t need ed.

WE NEVER NEEDED    ED.

He controls us and makes us hate and hurt and not care, when we should, life is short, life is so much more than this, reach out, take it back,

FIGHT

Love and huge hugs, Dawn,

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Writing this, as I self harmed on friday really bad, and ended up in hospital,

I am taking time for me, no internet, and not much phone time, I need to get me right, for real, I love everyone here, and will wrtie soon when I get time but not by computer, If anyone wants to keep in touch with me, please email me at email not valid anymore…  and i will get in touch,

Please take care of you all, we all need to say in our own time, no more ed, no more of this hurt,

I am ready this is the big fight, the fight for my life, and i will take it back.

Please all of you think about what we are doing, and seek someone to talk to, to help you, I love you all and want to see you all someday, soon

Dawn

Xxxxxxx

Thank you everyone.

I don’t know what to do to say and express how much I feel for you all, you are all so amazing,

I actually admitted yes I am not doing well and I am struggling, I was talking to one of my closest friends the other nightSianand I talked properly with her for quite a while, and it made me feel better, she is a wonderful friend and I think the world of her.

This is something, that I really want, I want to be better, I want to be free. I have to start to talking and being honest, and I have to do whats right for me.

If that means taking more time for me then I will have to, I love everyone here, and I will still be about, and posting, and on msn,

Have got some good news and I have a lot of stuff to be doing in the next four weeks, my short film is to be made and to be entered into a competition, at the end of April,

so busy busy bee i am.

I am hoping things will start looking better, it is getting there slowly.

Love and huge hugs,

Dawn

xxxxxxxx

18:43

Friends, dont read, I hate this but had to get it out,

Its so hard for me to be honest to talk about what I am feeling,

I try to hide everything and inside I feel like dying, like hiding forever, and not coming back, I love everyone here, and some have helped me in more ways that one, and I just dont know how I can keep going,

I feel I am getting bigger and BIGGER, and I cant get my head around it, I cant stand it and I am falling over the place.

I cant go on like this, I am going to spain in five weeks and I dont want to go like this, as I know with the weather and the place, I will put on more, This is hurting me so so much and I am LOST.

I want to not eat and I want to be sick when I do, I am so mad and angry inside at me, and I hate who I am, I dont see anything good about me, and I cant ever see me seeing it neither, things havent really improved at home, money is still so tight, and no matter what I do I cant get round it, at this rate we are going to be going away with nothing to spend, and I am crying over it, I think I would sooner not go, but I know I need a break from everything, to spend some time with Paul and to relax, I feel so on the edge all the time,

We went for a drink last night, and came home at ten, I had a few too many on an empty stomach and was drunk, this morning I felt awful but Paul also said some things that hurt me about my friends, and I was upset by that, went to sleep with out a good night kiss, and that hurt too.

As a person I am growing and he cant see that, my friends count for me growing in ways he couldnt even dream of. and I will never forget or leave my friends.

But something is going to have to give, and I think it may be the internet yet again, I dont like him threatning to cut it off, i would sooner do it myself, now, and then he cant keep going on about it,

I think this is really long and I would rather not post it, but I will.

I am struggling right now, I dont see the light anymore at the end of the tunnel and I cant see a way out, apart from turning to ed, and I dont want that, I want to be better, but I want to be AHHHHHHHHHHH,

I want to scream so much and cry and yell and tell everyone, HOW MUCH THIS IS KILLING ME.

I feel so so bad, so much hatred inside, I gotta go,

Love Dawn

xxxxxx

11:44

You may think you are wining by making me feel so bad,

By making me feel useless, and so down,

But you know I will fight back and wont ever give into you

You are making things very difficult for me at the moment, and I am getting scared, as I dont want you back in my life but you are comforting,

I dont want you around so tonight, is the last night, you hava hold on me again.

Tomorrow I will start a fresh and say good bye once more, you cant hang around forever, I DO NOT WANT YOU,

YOU WILL NOT WIN
YOU WILL NOT

Dawn

xxxx