After a really crap few days I have finally given up i think. The whole world has begun to piss me off big time.

In March Paul was caught at traffic lights answering his phone, and is now being taken to court. I have been rejected from my new job, because my references were unsatisfactory…. wtf…. I know shirley would have given me a good one, so all I am thinking now is what the hell has Steve said, that has upset my new potential employer…

I was completely honest with them about having time off. and why, and just everything, and now they are rejecting me…

I was so frustrated yesterday… I also got a letter from the dole saying i wasnt going to be getting any help. because I never paid any national insurance in the year 2006…. Derrrrr i have been in the same job for 12 years, so someone is telling lies……

Yesterday i think i had just had enough to be honest…. I decided to drown my sorrows, and while helping Mike and Paul finnish our lovely pond off, I drank my way through a bottle of wine… Ok it did take me from 3pm till after 9pm to finish it, as was very busy inbetween so I never felt any affect from it, but it helped me feel a lot happier and I managed to get through the day without crying.

I unfortunatly slipped big time yesterday and never got anything to eat till gone 2pm, which for me was not a good thing, and because we were so busy we didnt sit down till gone 920pm to a ham sandwhich…

I feel really bad about that yesterday and although i have got up and had breckfast, I feel worse in myself, and wish things would just get better, I so want to get a job and get back out there, and be me.. but everything is pointing at the moment to me just being at home and struggling so much…..

I am disapointed in the system.. and disapointed in myself. What is so wrong with me that people turn me down… this illness has in a way ruined my life, and I think will continue to do so unless a mirracal happens…

Dawn…

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Hi everyone.

This is just to let you know that although I really want to be here. Iam thinking I might not be able to get online for a while. To cut a long story short, in april while we were having our koi pond dug, the guy digging the hole went through our bt cable. It cost us£190 to get an engineer out to plug two wires back in the wall. Now this week we have had a fault on our line, and having had to get another engineer out has led him to the conclusion that the builderswho have done our extension have also now cut through the wire andleft us with a fault on it. He cant fix it, so has done temporarily,also another £190 and another team has to come out and fix it properly from under the ground. Basically we will have had to pay out over £650 in less than twomonths and to be honest I think the phone line is going to be cut off because i don’t think the builder will take responsibility for it, andI personally don’t have that sort of cash lying around. Even if Icould pay it on the drip. So I am sorry if I suddenly just dissapear, but I will endevour to tryand get one of these mobile toggle thingies so I can use that. Doesanyone know how they do work.Am googling it at the moment. Ps Ian thanks for the crit of TSK, I will once more try a re think,but only after i have had a break from it for a few weeks. I am indire need of a holiday, and don’t seem to be able to get one. Thanks to everyone for their support in the last few weeks. and goodluck all. I hope to speak to you soon.
Sorry this is a bit jumbled copied it from another site, icase i lost signal.

Dawn x

Ok so for me these last few weeks have been a little crap.

I have been struggling with some food issues but they have been mostly looking after themselves.

My main upset is finding a job, there are so few out there and so few i really want to do. This whole world is heart breaking, and am finding the more depressed i get the more i want to focuss on not eating again.

My mums cat has also gone missing.

He was here on friday, and everyone locally saw him, but Sat morning, and that was it, he has gone. Cant see him anywhere, and there has been no evidence that he has been hit by a car or anything. My mu is really upset in case he has been hit and has crawled away to somewhere no one can see him.
I just wish he would come home. I think this year has been hard enough on my mum.

Silly little cat though we know he has crossed the road many a time as we have seen him do it. I am praying for him.

Love to you all.

Dawn