After a really crap few days I have finally given up i think. The whole world has begun to piss me off big time.

In March Paul was caught at traffic lights answering his phone, and is now being taken to court. I have been rejected from my new job, because my references were unsatisfactory…. wtf…. I know shirley would have given me a good one, so all I am thinking now is what the hell has Steve said, that has upset my new potential employer…

I was completely honest with them about having time off. and why, and just everything, and now they are rejecting me…

I was so frustrated yesterday… I also got a letter from the dole saying i wasnt going to be getting any help. because I never paid any national insurance in the year 2006…. Derrrrr i have been in the same job for 12 years, so someone is telling lies……

Yesterday i think i had just had enough to be honest…. I decided to drown my sorrows, and while helping Mike and Paul finnish our lovely pond off, I drank my way through a bottle of wine… Ok it did take me from 3pm till after 9pm to finish it, as was very busy inbetween so I never felt any affect from it, but it helped me feel a lot happier and I managed to get through the day without crying.

I unfortunatly slipped big time yesterday and never got anything to eat till gone 2pm, which for me was not a good thing, and because we were so busy we didnt sit down till gone 920pm to a ham sandwhich…

I feel really bad about that yesterday and although i have got up and had breckfast, I feel worse in myself, and wish things would just get better, I so want to get a job and get back out there, and be me.. but everything is pointing at the moment to me just being at home and struggling so much…..

I am disapointed in the system.. and disapointed in myself. What is so wrong with me that people turn me down… this illness has in a way ruined my life, and I think will continue to do so unless a mirracal happens…



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