10/06/08

t seems that today can get even worse.
After getting no sleep last night, and having really bad cystitis, then the runs this morning. I get up to go feed the fish, one joy in one day, oh no….

The filter system flooded as soon as i turned the pump off and emptied all the k1 into the bunker. GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR- RRRRRRRRRR
Took 3 hours to get most of it out. Rescued a frog too though.
Then I come back in to get breckfast and that sucked big time. I hated every bite and so dont want to eat at the moment.
There sitting under my phone was also a letter from hubby, and not a nice one.

I was the one who went away on Sunday night nearly in tears as he had been fishing all day, so I was alone, and then when he did come home all he could do was moan as something was in his way. There is nothing wrong with him picking at me when its just us, as i hope he is only kidding, but when he bad mouths me to other people thats when it hurts.

Claire was really nice though sunday night and we had a little chat.
He has changed his job and now i dont get to see him at all during the day. I dont even think for one minute he has wondered wether it will affect me or not.
Its not just that, there are other things to, and I am really getting down over it.
One of my friends keeps on going on about her new diet, and that really destroys me. I text my best mate Sian to speak to her, and got no reply, then the day after i find out she ended up in hospital as she was bleeding (6mths pregnant) so she is haveing a week off to rest. The thing is she doesnt even want a visit, how does that make me feel.

Really crap.

I wish E D would make the feelings go away again, make life easier to muddle through. I can pretend I am ok, and carry on with things as they are, but I dont like the way i feel all the time. So down and depressed.

After my cpa last week, and seeing my own new doctor I think i need my meds increasing. I need something to blot out this crap.

I really have tried to get some writing done today, to get this script ready for the compitition, this is a new one, and have turned an old 10 minute script to 30 mins hoping it will get me a chance, the prise is a week in london at film school and £500, could do with that. But now I dont want to.

I upset Paul and I dont mean too. I uspet my friends and I dont mean too. I feel like shit and can do nothing right.

Wish it would all go away……………………………………….- …………………………………………..- …………………………………………..- …………………………………………..- …………………………………………..- …………………………………………..- …………………………………………..- …………………………………………..- …………………………………………..- …………………………………………..- …………………………………………..- ………………………………………… wish i could go away……………

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