Just to let everyone know

I have been six months now in recovery, I saw my cpn yesterday, and he was so proud of me, he says I have the confidence and the intelligence to now handle anything life throws at me,

It was quite sad to say bye to him, but I am now discharged, and even though I am sad I am so so so happy.

I know we all can do it, and I know it does get easier.

Love Dawn

Hi everyone

My names Dawn, I am 28 and had my ed for a long long time, am fighting hard and winning slowly.

I know some of you here, hope to ctch up with you all soon,

D

xx

Hellooo Long time since I did this, had a moan about everythin,  but you know just when things are going real good doesn’t something just sort of knock you off wack.

Reason why I sort of wanted to come back I suppose is for this reason, its good to talk when you are really low.

Had a bit of good news and then some bad news,

Good news first. A couple came to look at our van on saturday, and they are really interested, we just dropped the price so thats a bummer, as have to sell it lower now, but hey they loved the garden. Waiting on an offer now, they went away to talk and said they’d let us know tomorrow, so fingers crossed.

Bad news, May not be able to get a house, sob, am upset and frustrated as I had hoped this would be it for caravan life and maybe Paul and I could have a real chance at everything. Guess not.

If we sell our caravan now, we will make money on it, from buying it new and doing the garden up, plus we have been here nearly five years, but if we sell it in a few years we may not make anything and be out of pocket so everything is telling me to sell and move on, but it means another caravan, and we spent so much on this and have so many nice memories here.

I want to sell and financially we will be sorted, we have a plan to move to this sites sister just up the road, and by getting a caravan a little cheaper than ours, we will be able to do so much more, and will be secure in our selves.

I am being silly I guess, but ed is trying to worm back in. Every little thing is my fault and there are plenty of things I am blaming myself for at the moment without this.

I do feel really low, and sad, I wish some things would go right for a change and go right all the way through, not change half way, I wish I had someone to talk too. Lifes bad points are sucking me in and I hate it. I hate the way everything is making me feel at the moment, and I just wish it would stop.

Dawn

xxx

I am writing this post as I feel I have to.

I have been away from the boards in posting for a long time, although I have been trying to watch them and keep connected in some way..

I wanted to ask, if it was alright for me to be here, I dont want you to feel I am in the way, spying, or trying to hurt any of you in any way.

The things you all have been through have been huge, and I dont want to add to any pressure or intrude in a place you feel safe.

I care an awful lot about a lot of people here, I wish I hadnt been away for so long, and I may only post from week to week.

Please take care of yourselves and each other, my world would be very different if it hadnt been for you.

Love Dawn

Xx

I want to vent today all the things that are bothering me at the moment to scream and shout and let it all out,

they are very triggering, so please be careful

I hate the way that I always feel responsible for everything, anything goes bad then I turn on me, the little me that is inside dont get a good word all is bad.

Money is bothering me so much right now and I really dont like it at all, as I cant stand it, hate that everything revolves around money, what you can do what you can buy,

Love I love my hubby with all my heart and my family and friends, but want to push them all away as I cant be doing with all the are you all right, when I WANT TO SCREAM,,,, NO

I feel so bad and the voice knows it, and is wreaking havoc on my every thought and feeling, I cant feel anything, I am numb and its doing my head, in,

I cant sleep as when the room goes quiet and I am not doing something the voice starts to take over and  shouts BACK.

and I cant control it,

My hubby is going mad at my nose bleeds, and the fact he knows I been maiking them happen is doing me in too, he wants me to go to the doctor, and get it looked at but I dont want to, it would give them another reason for me to not go on holiday if I have damaged my nose,

things are really awful at the moment and I am hurting inside, and it scares me more than anything,

This pain wont go away, and no matter what I am doing I dont think it ever will,

I want to disapear, and just let everyone forget me, but they wont and I cant do that, as I love everyone, and that is hurting me too, as I want to give in and stop fighting, and just let everything win,

i am tired very tired, and the voice is making hurting me sounds so good, and I want to do it, but I cant,

and I wont,

this was a vent, not a cry for help but I wish someone would help me, take all this pain away, and let me move on, it hurts so so so much,

love you all,

Dawn

xxxx