19/04/05

I want to vent today all the things that are bothering me at the moment to scream and shout and let it all out,

 

they are very triggering, so please be careful

 

I hate the way that I always feel responsible for everything, anything goes bad then I turn on me, the little me that is inside dont get a good word all is bad.

Money is bothering me so much right now and I really dont like it at all, as I cant stand it, hate that everything revolves around money, what you can do what you can buy,

 

Love I love my hubby with all my heart and my family and friends, but want to push them all away as I cant be doing with all the are you all right, when I WANT TO SCREAM,,,, NO

 

I feel so bad and the voice knows it, and is wreaking havoc on my every thought and feeling, I cant feel anything, I am numb and its doing my head, in,

 

I cant sleep as when the room goes quiet and I am not doing something the voice starts to take over and  shouts BACK.

 

and I cant control it,

 

My hubby is going mad at my nose bleeds, and the fact he knows I been maiking them happen is doing me in too, he wants me to go to the doctor, and get it looked at but I dont want to, it would give them another reason for me to not go on holiday if I have damaged my nose,

 

things are really awful at the moment and I am hurting inside, and it scares me more than anything,

This pain wont go away, and no matter what I am doing I dont think it ever will,

 

I want to disapear, and just let everyone forget me, but they wont and I cant do that, as I love everyone, and that is hurting me too, as I want to give in and stop fighting, and just let everything win,

 

i am tired very tired, and the voice is making hurting me sounds so good, and I want to do it, but I cant,

 

and I wont,

 

this was a vent, not a cry for help but I wish someone would help me, take all this pain away, and let me move on, it hurts so so so much,

 

 

love you all,

 

Dawn

xxxx

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