So today, I am really upset,
I rang to cancel my appointment with the mental health team and she persuaded me to go and see them at least for the assessment,

I just don’t know, anymore, I want to get better I do, but I don’t think they can help me.

I need someone who can deal with my eating issues, and not to try and blame it on the past yeah I had a shit life, and was abused in more ways than one, but I have been over and over that, and dealt with it.

I need help with the food thing. I wish I didn’t have to eat everyday, I wish I didn’t have to face it.

Talking to Andy this morning a little bit about it and I was so close to tears, I really had to fight to stay in control, I just don’t know anything.

Yesterday, I ate a yogurt came home and then made our tea. It was only a stew with no meat, and when I gave myself some I couldn’t even eat the veg.

This is getting out of hand, and I so want it to just go away.

I am trying my best to be the person I am inside, but I have feelings there I didn’t know existed until a few weeks ago, and my friends encouraging me to try them out, I just don’t know….

Paul is away in a few weeks for a fishing trip and I am going out with Sian on the wed and staying with my friends in Southport on the Thursday, she is taking me to a gay bar. Am I pretty enough to pick up another woman….

Would anyone ever want to be with me, WHY is my husband with me???

I am just not worth it. These thoughts go through my head everyday, and I hate it.
I hate facing food, I hate being the person that can’t deal with social things.

I want to be liked, I want to feel affection but when I am I don’t believe it.

There is a young lad in work, he is 19 and he is trying his hardest to get me to go out with him. Yeah I like the attention from him, am I bad for that, but my head is sooo telling me it’s just a joke.

I am going to watch the TV, have a drink and try and sort this head out?

Anyone any ideas?

Dawn xx

Yeah,

so how have things been, well really weird really,

I don’t know but there is this person, who is inside me coming back.

I am having more fun; I am planning things, and enjoying them!!!!

Paul and I went into Southport on sat to have some drinks in a bar come club, with my friends, and you know what, it was great.

I danced most of the night away with my friend’s sister and brother, and really enjoyed it.
The guy from work Andy even turned up, which I was utmost shocked about, and he dropped us off home afterwards, as he wasn’t drinking.

I have a lot planned for this weekend, and am looking forward to tomorrow; I hope we finish really early as Im having a party. YEY.

Hope everyone is really great.

Dawn xx

So I thought today was going to be the start of a good week.

Yeah was I kidding myself….

The weekend was great, had a fantastic night out on Friday…

Got a little bit too drunk, and did a few silly things, suffered all day on Saturday.

Am sorry but I wasted my time sooo much today, in seeing my new counsellor, she told me she couldn’t help me so referred me to someone else, that means more waiting around.

I am so upset with myself, and disappointed with the system, it really really does suck sometimes.

Anyways, moan over am going to console myself, with a bottle of something, a porn movie and a good time…

I deserve something to make me smile.

Night night.
xxx

Wow I can finally say I am am back,

Its been a tough few months, and I am now settled back at home, and have finally got my internet sorted by going back to dial up, broadband just wasn’t having any of it at my house, so I am tying up the phone line but I don’t care, at least I hopefully wont have any problems.

So how are things with everyone, I know I aint been around but the site really has changed, a lot more people seem to be only after the dating thing.

Maybe I am the only one who comes here to moan and talk about my shit.

Anyways, had a sort of good week so far, work has been interesting as usual and at least I went out for a bit last night, haven’t been into doing much at the moment, am finding a lot of things pretty hard, especially food. Paul will be due home any minute and be expecting his tea, I am not having anything as I did eat a lot in work today, Monika brought me some homemade polish pasta dish, and I ate my sandwich too, so that is enough for today, if I eat anything else, I will only feel really bad and probably be sick so I am not having anything.

I know it doesn’t solve the problem but I have really done ok today, and yesterday, so will take the next few days as they come.

I am trying my best to get ed sorted, and am going back to the docs for some counselling again, a different one this time, she focuses on the present and not the past, so maybe this will help a little more than last time, as although talking about the past helped me deal with all the abuse and stuff I went through it didn’t really help me deal with food or some of the stuff that was going on in the present.

Take care of yourselves and one another.

Dawn xxx

So me, lol, I don’t know what’s going on, my head is a mess, but I know I will get there.

I am sad and happy in a sense….

Where have all my viewings gone….

Love ya

Dawn
xxx