Hard truth

I don’t think any of us can know how we will react to things till we are exposed to them.

I don’t think any of us can know how we will cope, or what we will do.

You think you are doing okay, and life railroads you completely.

Literally the year that was supposed to be one of the best in my life. Turned into such a mess, and although I’m trying I can’t see a way out. Attending Cheadle Royal in 2007 was the hardest thing I ever did. I feel like I’m back at that cross roads

How can you be expected to eat when everything is awful? How can you be expected to try. There’s nothing more depressing than a horrible taste in you mouth. Seriously the smell is the worst.

I did manage to eat, but my body’s telling me things I had forgotten. That voice is a killer.

Nearly my birthday, and I couldn’t hate myself anymore. 😭

—————

I was writing the above, listening to a friend on discord when I got the phone call.

You think things can’t get much worse, they can.

It was my mum’s friend, she had fallen in our local town. Ambulance was on the way.

What was a food plan for the night went out the window. So I am glad of shakes, I am glad of something.

I will continue these thoughts later when I can.

Final delivery!

After Fridays mishap, it was good that my driver Keith from yesterday k ew where he was coming and had both parcels!

So that completes my little food trial for a while.

One vegan, yesterday, 1 veggie, and 1 meat.

Hopefully now I have some good healthy products that both Paul and I can eat, and I don’t have cook them which is part of the issue. The longer I have to smell it the worse it is.

I ate a bit more than yesterday, but it’s still tiny yet. So I know I’m not ready for these meal, good that they are frozen!

Had a rather broken writing day with these coming and other bits to do. But I am all ready for tomorrow with my characters and stats, should be a good day.

Delivery, and first solids

So yeah my first frozen delivery came. From Vibrant Vegan!

They look great for 2 people. Let’s hope they taste okay!

Still struggling with garlic, but made my fish food with garlic and their good mix. I coped its just not very good for me… Ugh

Sadly till I get used to some solids again, I need to go easy. This was a premade veg bowl from tesco, (took the butter out) half of it and half a tin of tuna.

I managed to eat half of it, but chewing is hard and so is the taste.

Got to remember this is baby steps.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow. At the moment I feel pretty awful. Going to go relax, watch TV and then have my last shake about 8pm.

💕

Food parcels! and posture correctors!

After my little bad experience on Friday when I learned, they destroyed mine. I hope, hope the 2nd one coming will turn up tomorrow, this is the Vegan one.

These are the dishes I’ve picked, so I’m going to be pretty excited to see how they are when they turn up, and everything else that comes with their instructions. 🙂

Today I had an item arrive which I’ve work today to see how it helps, I’ve had some recent back and shoulder pain and today it’s really helped though not sure I’d want to wear it every day. *the description I copied and had to typo check it! omg* so far so good though, I’ll keep trying it for some more days at home 🙂

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B08BNMYP2N/

  • SLIM YOUR ARMS & BACK. The upper arm shaper gives strong compression on your arms and back, smooths and tights bumps and bulges, reduce arm and back flab, hide your back rolls, give your a slimmer figure.
  • WORK AS POSTURE CORRECTOR. This slimming shapewear for women firm compression of upper flabby arms, pulls shoulders back for great posture, improve your posture and humpback, makes you more and more confident.
  • 55% Polyamide, 45% Elastane
  • PUSH UP & GATHER YOUR BREAST. Our body shaper adds U-shape design to help you prevent your chest droop and gather the breast effectively, avoid breast compression while adding a mild push-up effect and improving posture.
  • SEAMLESS MATERIAL & 3 HOOKS IN FRONT. This black arm shaper sleeve is made with silky, soft, high elastic material, tight fit is seamless invisible under clothing and make you feel comfortable. With 3 adjustable hooks, you can easy to wear and adjust it for a snug fit at all times.
  • THREE QUARTER SLEEVES DESIGNED.The post surgical compression vest designs for long sleeve with spliced elastic lace, the garment shirt won’t roll up and create bulge or squeeze the fat near your elbow, make you comfort. Good for arm surgery elbow up and arm liposuction surgery recovery.

Parosmia and me moving on

I think the hardest thing to get used to with parosmia is the unpleasant smell. The thing we love about daily life becomes the worst.

Cleaning, cooking, anything.

The worst, you can’t tell what’s what. So there’re some things that you will miss that are pretty dangerous. The smell of burning, gas. Anything that’s off food wise. It all becomes so very different when things kinda all just smell the same.

Yep, and smell the same they do. Everything has this smell, this taste, and it never leaves you.

There are almost no real words to describe what this actually does smell/taste like. Rotten meat? poop… they are about the closest people have been able to say, and for the most part I’d agree. The rotten meat is the worst, the fact everything is rotten is the worst.

So you wake up with it, you smell like it, nasty, horrible. When you’ve a pretty poor impression of yourself as it is, this makes your anxiety 100 times worse. Because I don’t smell nice, I smell horrid. I think everyone can smell the same as me, and that I smell like this.

Go to wash in the shower, and the shampoo, the soap. Makes me feel sick. It’s hard to try to tell the brain that you don’t actually smell like this, that the shampoo and soap are fine, that you don’t stink.

Toothpaste, omg, please. You want to scrub your teeth with rotten meat? Holding your nose kinda helps.

Cooking is a hard no. I haven’t cooked anything in 15 weeks.

Last night my husband asked me to make him a sausage butty. This is the first time I’ve been near the kitchen to do anything, as I said in 15 weeks.

It wasn’t pleasant. But I did it.

One of the things I’ve looking forward to doing in the next few weeks is to try out some new companies I’ve seen advertising. With covid and not as many of us eating out. There’s been a few crop up that supply ready-made and healthy meals.

I’ve got three very different sets of food orders coming in.

One meat, one veggie, and one vegan.

It wasn’t a good start. My delivery this week never came. Though it saddened me, the company were wonderful over the phone, and rescheduled it for this week. Accidents happen and rather than deliver something that was out of safe temperatures, it was destroyed.

Hopefully, there will be no issues this week and I can at least start to write up something more than my plans.

I know I have to take it easy. My whole month of December will be basic re-feeding. Lipotrim have an acceptable plan, and I followed it for 4 weeks’ last time. So it’s gradual. I still have to watch myself and be careful not to rush.

So nice and steady.

For some things I’m taking a more keto approach, with bread and carbs, and I got myself a nice bread maker to test, to make my own things. My first two attempts were interesting. Lol

No pictures 🙂 not yet. Maybe when I get the hang of it, and I’m actually able to eat. For now, it’s okay toasted for my husband with Jam on.

Have a great day all.