11/09/07

 

Today hasn’t been a good day but, I have survived.

I went out last night to meet my friend Sian, which was really nice, although late as usual her company is a blessing and she is a wonderful friend…

I went to the hospital this morning to see my local psychiatrist, and although some things have improved others haven’t. I am not being sick three times a day, haven’t for a few weeks, and I am a little happier in mood, but I am really not eating as much, and even Sian said I still lost weight since the last time I saw her,

Really I don’t think I have, I feel so fat and ugly, I cant bare to see myself in the mirror, and any male attention, forget it, no chance, I am just not worth it…

The doc wants me to go into hospital and I already know this from Manchester already, but financially I can’t do it, I can’t take a week off work and then expect to stay out there and have money to spend when we don’t have it.

I just don’t know what to do, should I see my mum and ask her to give me it??? I just don’t know, I am sick I know I am but I really want help, and I can’t get it. Its sooooo pathetic….

This system that works here just doesn’t really work at all, and its sad….

I am sorry to moan about this to everyone, but I am feeling really bad today, my friend left and I feel all lost,

what can I do, just give up….

No I can’t…..

Love ya all.

Dawn xxxx

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