Sep 14 2004

14/09/04

 

Just thought I’d post as havent been on for a few days,

 

I am really finding it hard at the moment and work sucks, a few of my good friends have been ok with me, but the rest my god they are awful.

 

What was the first thing everyone said to me, you can all guess i wont write it, and that so annoyed me, ya know.

Some one write on my desk Dawns book of Illnesses, which annoyed me so i wrote back Yeah thanks had a nice 5 week hol thanks.

 

Ed is really biting me too, and I hate it,

really do,

 

Love you all though

Dawn

xxxx

Sep 14 2004

14/09/04

 

Hello everyone ((((((huggies)))))))

This is to inform you all that while on the film course at uni I am producing a short film, called The Hurt Inside. It was written as a short story by me in 2002, for my creative writing course, and was based on my personl experience of my eating disorder and a little of my life. Well with doing this film course I have to write a film runnin ten minutes and I have chosen this subject with which to write.

 

I have handed in a draft of the short film and am waiting to do a work shop with it next sat.

But some even more good news, my friend in work Mark Farnell, has said even if I do not get funding from the BBc for this film he would be made up to produce it, as he was really impressed with it,  having gone through the whole story with him today, he is going to story board it tonight for me, and then we can talk about starting production. This would mean that eating disorders will be going to the film festival inCannesnext year, OMG.

I would like to say that there will be a warning at the start of this short and in the end credits I am also going to add something along the lines of  ‘For anyone suffering with any eating disorder, they can get confidential support in recovery from’ this site, and their doctor’s.

 

I think this is a great idea, the story itself is what happened to me, with names changed and of course, a lot more dramatised to come across in the ten minutes.

 

I just wanted people to see the suffering we go through and the pain inside of us, wanted people to see it and understand it isn’t just about food.

 

Thankyou all for listening, wish me luck and you never know the retreat may be soon on its way.

 

Love and hugs

Dawn

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sep 14 2004

14/09/04

 

Umm nan out of theatre just though Id let you know, she is on hdu for now will know more when mums been to visit,

Love ya all

loads n loads,

Dawn

Sep 12 2004

12/09/04

 

Hi everyone,

((((((((((hugs)))))))))

Just to let you all know how things are with me, I am doing ok, trying to fight on loads, but sometimes it is tough,

 

I am struggling a bit but you all help me so much and this week will be e very tough one, as my nan is having the opperation on tuesday, and I am going back to work,

 

Just to let you know that my times will be back to normal now, from 5 till 8ish, later on a monday as hubby plays snooker, wish i could give you loads more, but no, got to work and get back to normal

 

Will try and do my best dont know how this week will go, but will keep you all informed,

Love ya all,

Take care,

Dawn

Xxxxxxx

 

Sep 9 2004

09/09/04

 

This comes with first an apology to all as I am really struggling right now, but also with loads of love as I love you all so much hear and you have helped me in more ways than one,

 

so ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Big huggies)))))))))))))))))))))))) from me,

 

To start with I wasnt going to see my nan yesterday I had had a really rough day and was feeling pretty sick, (Paul and I have a cold) at the moment, and dont want to give it her, so I rang her on her hospital phone, she sounded weary, and I asked how she was and she said not good I have a little problem but I will tell you when I see you, well of course that was it panic stations, and when Paul came home I drove straight to the hospital,

 

My nans cancer is too far spread in her bladder and in trying to remove all the tumors they damaged it a little, the tumors and problem have also damaged her kidneys too. so the best thing they can do for her now, and for the pain she is in is to send her for another opperation to by pass her bladder and she will end up with a bag.

 

She was so weak yesterday and yet all she was thinking about was me, how this couldnt make me any worse, and it did, for a start I was in such a state I lied to the guy on the barrier system and feel so guilty for it, I said I’d put my money in and it wouldnt open, (Well it had done the same thing the night before)  and when I got home couldnt eat a thing the thought of food and smell of it made my stomach churn,

 

I dont know if I can cope with losing her, my uncle seems to think she could have 5-10 yrs but I cant see it, all I see is doom, and I feel its all my fault, I want to punish myself for her being ill, why is that, why is ed so detrimental,

 

I got up this morning, and am so down, my hands are shaking and tears run down my face for no reason,

 

My nan is my second mum, more so than my own mum has been she has helped me through so so much and I cant lose her, I am so numb inside. Empty.

 

Sorry guys this is getting rather long, If I am around and dont talk much I apologise now, but know I care for you all and I really do, you are my strength.

 

Love and hugs

Dawn