Thinking aloud

My life from the outside looking in.
is nothing it seems, for I can’t win.

This battle continues every day,
and I really can’t seem to find my way.

Its turmoil inside me, from the moment I wake,
I can’t understand this, and I am going to break.

My heart is torn from something I need,
this open wound which always bleeds.

No matter what I think about, and all day I sometimes do.
There is nothing else inside me, all I feel is blue.

The emptiness inside hurts me so much,
I shy away from everyone’s touch.

Whether it is calming words or a thoughtful hug,
it only makes me hurt more, as I don’t deserve any love.

The attention you may give me passes by and I can’t know,
the way you will affect me, I just can’t let go.

Ed you rule my every move, and I always seem to lose,
this inside battle which I did not choose.

Dawn Chapman. Written today 19:43.

Vortex

There is a big black hole inside,

A vortex,

which I can’t describe.

It’s whirring round and around, and I am struggling to stand my ground.

I try each day to fill it, but it is a bottomless pit.

Starving for affection, not knowing which direction

Fumbling forwards, not turning back

I believe there’s more than this crap.

Dawn Chapman. 18th February 2005

Feelings

There is something deep inside you,
That you’re finding hard to share.
And it’s the demon inside of you,
that says that I don’t care.

Let me talk to that demon and say how I feel,
for the feelings I have inside for you
are very real.
I can’t stand to see you hurting,
cause then I feel it too
The sadness inside you that makes you feel so blue.

So please let me tell you how special you are,
Remember Bex you’re that bright gold star.
Never in my lifetime have I met someone like you.
Someone with whom, I want to share my whole life through.

There was something about you that day we first talked,
A great understanding the further that we walked.
We laughed and joked and cried, pushed that demon to one side.

We stood hand in hand together, and made our stand.
You give your all and ask nothing in return,
there is a lot from you that I could learn.

You radiate warmth and love,
I am sure you were sent from up above.
Shining from within you will never give in.
Through all my pain and heartache, you were by my side
And now I can say this,
and I can say it with pride

I am glad I found you, and can call you like my sister
I am glad I found you, and I can say I love you.

Written for Bex 2005.