Friday, broken wing and editing :)

Hey guys/gals 

 

I’ve been having a tough few weeks that’s for sure, but some things are improving. Getting slight better movement in my arm. Still taking pain killers and they kind of numb the head, but it’s been 3 full weeks now since the incident. I do feel like I’m improving now. So hopeful 🙂

Anyway, I wanted to let you in on my novel’s first page. 

Over the last few months, I’ve been working very, very hard with EJ Runyon. She’s been so valuable as a coach and editor. I’ve found prose writing totally different than scripts. Where a script is so terse prose is enriched and alive. I’ve had a brilliant few months, it’s been one heck of a learning experience. And EJ will be my coach/editor for a long time. When you find someone who is good, you don’t let them go. Her way of explaining things is spot on, I’ve never had that, from English Teachers or professional I’ve wanted to hire before. (I know I’m not the easiest client, I’ve bad habits like the best of of us, but I’m trying…) 

Her blog is at – http://ejrunyon.wordpress.com/2013/06/24/structuring-sentences-to-use-more-showing/

and her coaching website is over at -http://bridgetostory.com

 

Please contact her if you’ve ever considered editing or coaching, as an author you’ll not regret it. : ) promise. 

 

And here is the first page of my novel. Un-edited. And edited, (but not final) still needs proofing and checking 100%. 

I wanted you to all see the difference a few months makes. The writing journey. This has had a good few crits over at the OWWSFF. website address is – http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/index.shtml

My story attracted an Editors Choice review (middle edit) which was wonderful. And gave me total hope for the series. The reviews there really helped shape the story too.

Then I had the honour of winning a years membership over at http://www.scribophile.com which again has been one of the best sites I’ve ever come across. And helped take my novel to the next level. I also met a fantastic writer who has helped me to know end. I have no doubts I’ll be promoting his book here one day soon too. 🙂 so watch this space. 

So here it is… 

The Secret King – The Beginning 

 

From this….. 

 

Kendro eased himself into his favorite chair. It creaked just as it always did and he wished he could take it with him. His office, empty, didn’t resemble home anymore. Sadness washed over him. It was over and they had to leave everything but their prized possessions behind.

   The handmade wooden desk before him had been in his family for generations and he ran his hand along its surface until he found a tiny dent. He frowned and remembered the day he’d made that hole. The day Admiral Broki confirmed the fate of their Sun and he’d dropped a hot steaming mug of tea over everything. Now apart from the desk and set of chairs nothing else cluttered the room. All his belongings had been moved to the mother- ship. The furniture here deemed unimportant. Although why he’d deemed it unimportant shook him. These objects were a part of his history.

Resting his head in his arms, he closed his eyes just for a brief moment of thought. Were they going to survive the incredible journey ahead?

To this – 

CHAPTER ONE – Evacuation

Kendro moved nearer his office window, once again watching their dying sun, setting for the night. Too tired even to think — three days too tired. Rubbing his eyes, he stroked down the sides of his temple, a blue tingle of energy from his fingers lit his royal birthmark in a glorious rainbow of colours.

Three tiers up in the royal palace, he glanced down at the view below him, just making out the soldiers as they loaded his belongings onto shuttles in the growing twilight. The sight added a depression that weighted his soul. He turned, regarding his empty office, stripped of everything but the desk and its chair. Best to do what work I can before they come for these too.

Work didn’t come for him. He stared at the portable screen, blank. “You think you’ve won.” with a headshake, wiping away tears with the back of his hand, Kendro flung his keyboard into a corner where it shattered. “Never!”

Resting his head, Kendro rested for a brief moment. His breathing slowed, he shook himself awake. For almost three days now; with barely any sleep since he ordered the evacuation; within every tightening muscle and sinew, Kendro felt the strain.

“Kendro?”

His attention turned to his wife, Mika. Her face sparkled as she stepped lightly over the wreckage of the smashed keyboard reaching his side; a look of anxiety quickened her stride.

 

———————–

 

Different, yes, better. I totally believe so 🙂 

 

So, if you’re looking for someone to help push you that bit further, check out all of the above 🙂 You will not be disappointed. 

 

Dawn x 

Advertisements

5 comments on “Friday, broken wing and editing :)

  1. YOU are my hero Dawn, for taking your work to this place you have inside you. I may have asked the questions – but you are the one who risked letting the answers out onto the page.

    • The Owwsff has a months free trial, and Scribophile has a limited account, (two projects at a time) Both have very different readers and both really can help you in many ways. 🙂 I’ve learned a lot from people there. The Owwsff is a little less forgiving on new writers, but if you put the effort in, you’ll still get returned reviews. My advice would be to try them both. You’ll learn as much from critting as you do getting reviews.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s