12/12/07

 

Hi everyone,

Just to let you all know how today went, it was very emotional and I cried my eyes out at the service, but it was expected,

The vicar read my poem out and everyone loved it, so I was pleased.

We all went back to the British legion in her village, and had a few drinks, as I am full of cold I had hot whisky and water, and managed to eat something, although I really didn’t want to.

Really really didn’t want to.

So it’s my birthday tomorrow, and I am not looking forward to it, I just don’t want to celebrate anything, but I know I have to start to get on with everything now,

I come first, and I have to concentrate on getting better.

Thank you to all of my friends for the birthday wishes, I will speak to you all soon.

Take care, love Dawn xx

11/12/07

 

Im full of cold, and I am dreading tomorrow,

I don’t want to go, I don’t want to have to admit to myself that my nan really is gone,

I wrote her a poem and maybe I will share it on here.

I am struggling with everything, and I lost all my phone numbers from my phone, so please text me if you want. you know my number….

Wish me luck and am sorry Im not much fun at the moment,

Take care all, love Dawn xx

08/12/07

 

Hey there everyone.

So am feeling a little bit, ummm. just a bit lost, and a bit everything. Am finding it hard to concentrate on anything, and anyone, I’ve not been well this last few days, had terrible tummy ach, which has made my sleep even worse. I think its just worry, over everything.

The funeral will be on Wednesday, and I hope I can then settle a bit after that.

I am still finding it being a bit strange in her house, everything has gone, there are only bare essentials there now, and I am just disheartened by some of the things family are doing.

My mum is trying to be as strong as she can but I see how bad this has affected her, I think like me she wishes she was there, when my nan passed on, both of us had spent so much time with her, it was a big shock for us.

I had a good day on Thursday, arrived at the hospital to see Shirley at 9 a bit wet, but they have lovely fresh coffee in there so I warmed up quick.

I had a really good talk with Shirley, but left feeling very down, to then go and make a Christmas dinner, for all of us. None of us wanted it, and it did turn out a bit of a disaster, the spuds wouldn’t cook quick enough, and then the sprouts weren’t ready.

But we all seemed to have a laugh, and it was ok in the end.

I got to go home early to, which was cool, was back in burscough by 530, unfortunately a friend had some tickets for us to go out, so I made an effort and went out but wish I hadn’t. It all felt really wrong, and I just didn’t want to be there.

I made my excuses and left, coming home to a warm bed, and my pjs was just what I wanted.

My mum is with her friend Pat today, getting herself massaged and pampered, so I am hoping it will do her some good to get out her tears, as I don’t think she has just yet.

Love to you all anyways, am not stopping on for long today, maybe another hour or so…

Take care Dawn x

 

04/12/07

 

I have one question,
Of which I know you cannot answer,

My life has been full of pain, to which you have eased.
With your clever wit and sarcasm that never ceased to please

You brought light to my life, and gave me the gift.
It did begin to close this great rift.

I knew you inside and out, and was proud to call you a friend.

My life has meaning, because you were there,

My life has great beauty, for I shared it with you.

This question of love I need not ask, for I do know the answer.

You’re inside my heart forever, and forever you will stay.

I love you nan.

 

Dawn xxx

01/12/07

1st December 07

 

My nan passed away last night.

at 750, she was with her carers and they were getting her ready for bed, it was just too much for her I think, and by the time the ambulance got there she was gone.

I am devastated to say the least. I cried all night, and never slept, We went to her house this morning, and as I am like my mum in many ways, we started to sort through the house.

We have spent most of the day there, and done so much. We were home at 12, and then I went to bed.

I am exhausted, but I will go on.

I have eaten today as my nan wouldn’t want me to get even sicker, I will try and beat this even more.

I am sooooooo glad I got to spend this extra time this week with her, even though it’s been tough, and emotionally unbearable.

I was nicknamed her little fairy as I floated around doing things for her. and I will always remember caring for her like she was my second mum. I loved her so much, and I am so scared to be without her.

I will try and come on next week a bit, and keep you all updated, but I am not sure I can do.

Keep safe. Love each other, and enjoy life.

Love Dawn xx