Umm night before wasn’t good, got so drunk and spent the night crying, at least I got some sleep though, falling into a drunken stupor at about 9pm.

I don’t think I ever could have imagined what it was going to be like burying my Nan, but it wasn’t nice, from all over the country our family came and my cousins carried her coffin in. One of the being my brother, whom has been detached from this side of the family since my mum and dad got divorced, my nan and granddad only having seen one of their great grandchildren once.

Seeing everyone cry was heartbreaking and made me even worse, my cousin Stewart who was very close to my Nan couldn’t hold it together much, but his love for her and her love for his two kiddies was amazing, and every time I had been to the hospital or their house Stewart was there with them…

After the funeral we went back to the house, where there was some food and some drink. Paul and I left at about 1. With the intentions of going back later. One of my aunts was going to pick up my Nan’s ashes at 430 and we were to bury them in the garden by a tree specially picked for her.

We did go back and it was beautiful, the rain had managed to stay off for most of the day, so being outside was pleasant, and finally we left about 7.

I have had a few extra days off work, I went to the doctor yesterday to see if he could give me something to help me sleep at night, just for a few days, and I had my assessment at the hospital this morning. I am to be referred to the eating disorder unit at cheadle in Manchester, I am not sure how long that will take but at least they will have a much better idea of what to do with me…

Just been for my riding lesson, I didn’t want to go but my new friend Michelle hadn’t text me with her number, so didn’t want to let her down. Plus having talked most of the morning to the doctor about everything, she advised me to go, as I love it so much…

Silly Doc… I was on a massive horse called Dimple, and he really bounced me all over the place, took some time to get used to him, I defiantly am going to have to get some proper riding boots my legs are a mess now, got bruises all up them.. So much for wanting to have summer legs… hey what summer anyway… lol

Hope everyone is doing ok.

Dawn xx