23/06/07

 

There is a sadness inside me today, that I have only wanted to hide, but haven’t been able to, my friends keep texting to see if I am all right, but what do they really want to here…. I say I am ok, but I am not, I feel a deep loss and I don’t know how to express it…

I know next week is going to be one of the worst in my life, I feel like I have gone full circle and I am again going backwards, but this time, I don’t want to stop it, am I so bad to feel I need something to take away this pain, and to feel the only thing is the friend I once loved, my ed..

Ed is a friend I could count on to help me when everything was at its worst, he was there to support me and offer comfort and control to at least something in my life. Now needing him is making me feel like the worst person alive, and I don’t want to need him…. I really do hate him…

The simplest pleasure in life, I cannot have, and that’s to enjoy food with the people I love, to go out and eat in a big place is the most frightening though, yet to fit into society I have to do it…..

Feelings are awful and emotions rule you…

This emotional woman is hurting badly and I don’t know what to do about it…

Dawn xx

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