When a bubble appears on your page be careful, I just lost a really long blog again…

Am really annoyed…

Anyway for those who are interested I had a real bad day, been feeling really crap about myself, and about everything about me.

Am pissed off at me too, as food wise today sucked also, haven’t done well at all….

I got to get back into recovery, its annoying me I feel like such a failure, and I don’t want to admit defeat yet again…

I know I can do this, please let me get up tomorrow in a different mood…

Dawn

Ummm oh well today has been very inspirational, and very boring.

Been working hard on my script for my novel. It’s slowly getting there, but it’s hard to rewrite something you already have done…

Anyone interested in seeing any? Let me know…

Been on a machine all day today and it’s been really terrible, I know its a little more money but man its really boring…

Other than that had a bad day food wise again. Only managed a little. I don’t know why but I can seem to get myself out of this slump… Its doing my head in, and I feel like I am letting everyone down again…

Luckily for me, I haven’t lost too much weight yet but it won’t be long before the usual people start to say something… It sucks. Wish I could just vanish sometimes but know I can’t.

Sian is off to Poland tomorrow, so I am going to miss her, it may only be for a weekend but when she aint in this county I do worry…

Anyhow I got to go, its been a long night, trying to sort out this computer and the internet problems I am having…

Catch you soon

Dawn

Wow……

What a weekend I’ve had…

Friday, went out with Sian, and had the best time, went to a small pub near my mums, as I was staying there so I didn’t have to drive, hehehehe had a lot to drink and some lovely food in a great tapas bar.

Talked the night away, and sorted out a lot of plans for the next few months…

Defiantly getting lsd, into the next film and can’t wait, just have to decide which one heheh…

Saturday….

Hangover from hellll…. What was I drinking… only had three glasses of wine. Well one bottle between us and then a glass with our food… wasn’t that much I can usually drink so much more than that, think as I haven’t been eating a lot it went right through me.

Didn’t even move from my mums till gone 11, stopped and had lunch with my Nan, who isn’t so great at the moment, and headed home.
We then went to pick up our touring caravan so we could do a car boot today… Sorted it out, and then set off….

at 530 am.

Were we mad…?

Defiantly…..

But…

Big but…..

We sold, over £250 worth of stuff…YES oh YES… You cannot beat a car boot, and most of the things we sold were donated or things we had picked up over the years…

Still got a lot of stuff left, loads of books and clothes, which are going to my local charity shop tomorrow, so then we can scrap our touring van.

I tell you it has done us proud, but there is no point keeping it. When we got it for £20, we took out all the inside and boarded it out, and then filled it to the brim, now there aren’t even 5 boxes of stuff. So we can’t keep it when it costs £60 for 6 mths… It’s done us some cracking car boots though, and it’s been nice to cook my own food and make tea when I needed it. Plus the real bonus was a toilet; I could go to without having to squat over, sorry guys but you really cant aim properly. Lol…

Anyway, been a real long day. My AOL is still acting up and doing my head in, it’s something to do with how far away from the exchange we are, but I just can’t figure it out, had no problems with it for the last 6mths… Bummer. Will ring BT and AOL again tomorrow, now I am in need of some more wine and some good sleep…

Goodnight everyone… have a great Sunday night…

Dawn

Just a quickie as Im going out in about an hour. Getting my glad rags on and painting the town lol…

Today has been great, been to get my new glasses and wow, they are great… will post some pics soon, promise…

Anyways, got to dash, speak soon, love to you all… has a great Friday night…

Dawn

Well, what have I been up to today, well it was so cold in work this morning that I took my own heater in, as the manager said he had one for us but wouldn’t be in till nine.

Then guess what I did, I blew the extension cable up, well there was two heaters plugged into it, I guess it just couldn’t cope… oops…

It all melted on the inside and smelt real bad… My friend Don said if only I hadn’t been there when it went, it would have burnt the place down…

Now I know it’s not a great job and the new manager that took over has been a bit picky with some of them there, but to be honest, they don’t put the energy into working hard enough so are bound to be picked on…

The manager hasn’t said one bad thing to me, he comes in to our department, and asks how we are doing, how long the jobs going to take and I give him realistic answers, and when the jobs need rushing out or its nearly done just before break, then we work through them so they can get on the wagons sooner..

I am not a suck up, as I gave him loads of stick for leaving us without any means to keep warm, so we came up with another plan and our department got moved slightly across the floor so we could be by a massive heater… He he, now I will be well warm, and even this afternoon I had to take one of my jackets off, lol…

So all was good today, seemed like we didn’t do much this afternoon with cleaning up and moving everything but its getting to that time of year when things start to wind down..

My friend came in today the one who has been off work sick with a bad back, she asked could she go part time, and the manager refused her. I don’t blame him really, there isn’t much work as it is, and he is trying to keep the polish girls till Christmas, if she comes back in to work only the morning, then one of the good workers has to go and then in the afternoon we would be short staffed.
Crazy…

I tell you it’s just been one of those days…
I am still not feeling that much better about myself, but I have at least eaten a little better, I made myself have some cereal this morning, and then at lunch had a tin of soup. I am really not wanting to eat anything now though, but I know when Paul comes home, there will be, an argument if I don’t, so I am going to try…

The thing that annoys me with food is that I am never hungry; I know I need to eat, as I cannot survive without food, but I just don’t want to. Any sort of stress or stupid comment towards me during the day makes me feel even worse obviously, so then it has the opposite affect, if I eat anything I am sick…

I have never been diagnosed with either eating disorder as the doctors; I think are a bit baffled by me. The closest name for my illness is bulimiarexic, as I struggle to eat, restricting badly, as an anorexic does, and then if I eat something and I am upset, even if it’s only an apple or biscuit I am sick. I have never binge eaten, but a binge for me, would be to have a small meal, and then one square of chocolate.

Bad I know, but that’s me, I keep trying to get that whole person back inside me. The person who wants to be let out, I don’t think ever will be free.

Oh well, I had a lovely shower and now am off to make some dinner.

Catch you all soon…

Dawn