02/11/06

 

Well, what have I been up to today, well it was so cold in work this morning that I took my own heater in, as the manager said he had one for us but wouldn’t be in till nine.

Then guess what I did, I blew the extension cable up, well there was two heaters plugged into it, I guess it just couldn’t cope… oops…

It all melted on the inside and smelt real bad… My friend Don said if only I hadn’t been there when it went, it would have burnt the place down…

Now I know it’s not a great job and the new manager that took over has been a bit picky with some of them there, but to be honest, they don’t put the energy into working hard enough so are bound to be picked on…

The manager hasn’t said one bad thing to me, he comes in to our department, and asks how we are doing, how long the jobs going to take and I give him realistic answers, and when the jobs need rushing out or its nearly done just before break, then we work through them so they can get on the wagons sooner..

I am not a suck up, as I gave him loads of stick for leaving us without any means to keep warm, so we came up with another plan and our department got moved slightly across the floor so we could be by a massive heater… He he, now I will be well warm, and even this afternoon I had to take one of my jackets off, lol…

So all was good today, seemed like we didn’t do much this afternoon with cleaning up and moving everything but its getting to that time of year when things start to wind down..

My friend came in today the one who has been off work sick with a bad back, she asked could she go part time, and the manager refused her. I don’t blame him really, there isn’t much work as it is, and he is trying to keep the polish girls till Christmas, if she comes back in to work only the morning, then one of the good workers has to go and then in the afternoon we would be short staffed.
Crazy…

I tell you it’s just been one of those days…
I am still not feeling that much better about myself, but I have at least eaten a little better, I made myself have some cereal this morning, and then at lunch had a tin of soup. I am really not wanting to eat anything now though, but I know when Paul comes home, there will be, an argument if I don’t, so I am going to try…

The thing that annoys me with food is that I am never hungry; I know I need to eat, as I cannot survive without food, but I just don’t want to. Any sort of stress or stupid comment towards me during the day makes me feel even worse obviously, so then it has the opposite affect, if I eat anything I am sick…

I have never been diagnosed with either eating disorder as the doctors; I think are a bit baffled by me. The closest name for my illness is bulimiarexic, as I struggle to eat, restricting badly, as an anorexic does, and then if I eat something and I am upset, even if it’s only an apple or biscuit I am sick. I have never binge eaten, but a binge for me, would be to have a small meal, and then one square of chocolate.

Bad I know, but that’s me, I keep trying to get that whole person back inside me. The person who wants to be let out, I don’t think ever will be free.

Oh well, I had a lovely shower and now am off to make some dinner.

Catch you all soon…

Dawn

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